▶ Your Answer :
The inventions of various transportation had completely
changed our lifestyle in different ways for each transportation. Especially,
the airplane and car have great impact on our normal life. However, I believe
that car had more influence on our society than airplane for following reasons.
To begin with The cars have increased the welfare of the nation. Although
the airplane has connected the nations, one should use car to move in the
nation. Thinking in economical perspective, the cars have connected the
villages and cities in the nation hence one could sell and buy goods from other
cities. Big trucks and cars could transport the goods to every part of the
country. This domestic development had caused the national economic boom. For
example, Korea had built the Kyung-Bu highways which crosses Korea vertically.
The products made by Korean company will not be sold to foreign countries. They
are made for Koreans hence, they could sold their products to wider area. (미 마지막 부분은 전혀 관련이 없는거 같아요 한국 물품이 해외에서 팔리고 있는데 해외에서 안팔리고 여러 곳곳에 팔리고 있다는 말이 이상합니다)
Furthermore The car has become common to us earlier than the airplane
had. Riding airplanes were was not common to a normal family only before several
decades. The car had broken broke the lifestyle that they used to stay in the certain
place. The car has removed a fear of leaving their hometown. The car initiated
the family trip to the other city which have completely changed the lifestyle
of a family.
To conclude I cannot ignore the fact that airplane had also changed our
lifestyle. But car is easier to access to a family and people. This made the
exchange of nation more active. Hence, I believe that the cars have greater
impacts on our life than airplane. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 시제가 맞지 않습니다. 과거형을 쓰실 꺼면은 계속 과거형으로 에세이를 서술하시고 현재형으로 서술 하실 때는 계속 현재형으로 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 바디 1예시는 좀더 설명이 필요할 거 같습니다. 경부고속도로가 개통이 되면서 뭐가 경제적으로 좋아졌는지에 대한 설명이 꼭 필요할 꺼 같아요. 수고하셨습니다 .
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