▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that nowadays people more feel feel more happy and satisfied today than people were in past. I fully agree with this statement for two reasons. Because of our society is obsessed conscious of the way other people are looking at one. And a new technology of development provides too much information to people. People are too obsessed with how they look to others and the new technology development provides too much information. To begin with, people always care about other’s view than in the past. This is because that nowadays people tend to notice other people’s appearance easily. This view shows why people are obsessed with their looking. Nowadays people’s look is important that because of show people’s state and what they have possession as looks manifest the state and possession. I think that it is most important part of this society, but it has a bad effect. People are used to judging judge themselves just a person’s look. Therefore, we need to look deep into ourselves but they did not. For example, many people think a person like a loser, but a person becomes a successful person.(이 부분은 무슨 말을 하려고 했던 건가요?) This example shows this problem that the most people too much focus a person’s appearance, so they did not recognize the person’s inner characters people too much focus on the appearance not on inner characteristic. In the past have the same situation it has the same situation, but I think this situation more deepen than past. Furthermore, a new technology of development made a lot of sns(social network service). That most people use it boasts their wealth. (이 부분은 무슨 뜻인가요?) This causes people feel a sense of loss. My personal experience can be used to prove my point. For instead, when I saw the posting that my friend Pari trip had a trip to Paris. At this moments I felt losing something inside of mine, because I always wanted to go Paris, but I could not. It made people compare other person’s; this is decreasing our life’s quality. This example makes sure that sns cannot make people feel satisfied their life than the past.
To sum up, people feel unhappy and dissatisfied today than past. Frist, people just look the people’s appearance in order to judge themselves, secondly, sns make to compare other Fair: 17~23 점수: 17 일단 전반적으로 너무 문법적인 오류들이 많아서 무슨말을 하려고 하는지를 잘 모르겠습니다. 구체적인 설명도 빈약하다라는 느낌이 들고요. 좀 더 문법적인 부분에 신경을 더 써야할 거 같습니다. 문법적 오류들이 고쳐지게 되면 논리적인 부분에 있어서도 문제가 해결 될거 라고 생각 합니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
영어로 글쓰는게 많이 힘드네여,...하하하ㅜㅜ |