▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether a low salary job is better than a high salary risky job. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that a low salary job is better than a high salary risky job for the following reasons. First of all, a low salary secure job helps relieve stress and restore health. To be specific, feeling comfortable while working allows people to better manage stress, maintain health, and build a quality life. High salary and risky job requires people who are more diligent and more responsible than other people. Stress is the main cause of the disease and dissatisfying life. Therefore, people in modern society should actively find ways to reduce stress and stay healthy while working. For example, when I was a graduate student, I worked in a mobile phone manufactureing company. The company gave workers not only high salary but also high work pressure. I always woke up at 6 am, and went to bed at 2 am. Also I did my work 10 hours during the day at that company. Coworkers including me were really stressfuled and felt fatigue because of our work. I worked for 3 months, and finally caught a variety of I got a lot of illness such as cold, headache and stomachache. I always regretted my choice. After i got back restoring my healthy, I applied to a small marketing company. At that company, I had a low salary, yet, secure job. I worked with regular amount of projects. I relieved my stress and feel felt comfortable. All of the workers always felt happy during working our tasks. This helped me to forget about stressful aspects of my past company life. Through this experience, I realized that feeling comfortable and security is the best factor of job. In conclusion, I firmly believe that low salary secure job is a lot better than high salary risky job. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been precisely and effectively delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
총점: 27~28 총평: 글을 굉장히 짜임새 있게 잘쓰셨구 영어도 굉장히 잘 쓰시네요. 다만 body가 두 부분으로 나누어지는게 조금 더 효과적으로 설득하는데 도움이 됬을 것 같아요. 나머지는 자잘한 문법적 실수들 (시제의 일치)만 조심하시면 충분히 만점도 도전해보실 수 있을 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다.
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