▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, working plays a significant role in people's daily lives in the many of places where they work or play. Some people think that working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office. while oOthers think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that wokring in the office is better than working at home using such devices. There are several reasons why I support this point of view. as follows.
To begin with, working in the office is better than working at home using computers or telephones because it can help people to cultivate important qualities to succeed. Working in the office with different people requires many obligations such as managing time, abiding by rules, and respecting others. When such obligations are fulfilled, they are likely to realize that it brings about a better result. For example, when my young brother was working at home using a computer, he used to be selfish and lazy. However, he has changed gradually after he started to work in the office with different a lot of people. He realized that his puntuality could help him work with others more easily while his laziness could negatively affect afftect everyone. Naturally, he became more prompt with time, played his part better, and even encouraged others to be more responsible. Without this experience, he would still have been irresponsible.
In addition, when people work in the office, it can contirubute to an increase in their overall happiness. Working in the office allows them to have more chances to socialize and mingle with others. For instance, I often felt depressed when I was working at home using computers and telephones thinking that my life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, I spent the whole day working alone using all the devices. Fortunately, I was able to deal with such pressure and stress in a safe way by working in the office with a lot of people. (글이 명확하게 이해가 되지 않네요. 집에서 일을 했던 것인지 회사에서 일을 했던 것이진 알기 어려운 것 같아요) In particular, I could share my problems with co-workers having a breaking time in the busy days. By doing so, I was able to let off some steam. If I had woked at home, I would not have been able to escape my boring life.
All things considered, considers the advantages of wokring working in the office far outweigh that those of working at home using computers and telephones for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of working in the office with others cannot be overestimated.
예상점수: 24~27 총평: 글을 짜임새 있게 잘쓰셨구 몇몇 표현은 굉장히 훌륭하게 잘쓰셨는데, 두번째 body가 약간 난해하게 적혀서 글의 clarity가 조금 떨어지는 것 같아요. 이러한 부분만 조금 더 명확하게 써주시면 충분히 고득점하실 수 있을 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다!
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