▶ Your Answer : It is of great worth to discuss whether it is more important for governments to spend money to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. The answer to this question varies greatly depending on each individual's perspective. As far as I am concerned, I believe it is more important for the government to improve Internet access than to improve public transportation. for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, people can easily communicate with each other more frequently when Internet access is improved. Through the Internet, people use Social Network Service applications such as Facebook messanger and Twitter to chat with each other. Since people require Internet to chat with each other through these applications, people have hard time communicating with each other more frequently without much Internet access (일단 이 부분을 읽어가면서 느낀것은 같은 말을 반복되서 말하고 있다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 따라서 다른 표현으로 서술하시길 바랍니다). Therefore, as the government invests more on Internet access such as making wi-fi zone, people can gain more information from others by communicating with each other more frequently through SNS. The case of my friend Spencer is a concrete example of this. Spencer often had hard time asking questions to his professor who is living abroad. This was because he was not able to communicate with professor through Facebook since it was hard for him to access Internet in his country. However, when his country's government invested 5 million dollars making more wifi zones so that more people can access Internet, he was able to access Internet a lot easier, making him ask more question to his professors living abroad through Facebook. By being able to ask more questions to the professor due to improvement of Internet access, he was able to solve his academic curiousity. Another reason for supporting my opinion is that people will have to suffer incovenience for a while the government invests more on public transportation. During the time when the government start investing on building more roads or subway stations so that more buses and trains can carry a lot of people, heavy traffics are caused since people who drive cars cannot use specific part of roads during the construction period. In that situations, due to heavy traffic caused by government investment on public transportation, people become more likely to arrive late to their work places or meetings. The case of my friend Mike is an epitome of this. Before the government started to spend money on building more subway stations, there was no heavy traffic while Mike was driving to his work, making him not get late to his workplace. However, when the governments started investing on building more subway stations, heavy traffic became common while Mike was driving to his workplace. As a result of such traffic, he was not able to get to his workplace on time. Instead, he was always 30 minutes late even though he woke up earlier than usual after the construction had started. Unfortunately, not being able to get to his work earlier, he got fired from his company.
To summarize what I mentioned above, I am with the notion that it is more important for governments to spend money on improving Internet access since it can help people to easily communicate with each other and investing more on public transportaion causes much inconvenience.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 20 일단 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀것은 장황함입니다. 장황하기 때문에 이 에세이의 플로우가 방해 하고 있는 거 같습니다. 특히 이 에세이에서 발견한 것을 했던 말을 반복해서 말하는 경향이 잇습니다. 이러한 경향 때문에 에세이 자체가 길어지는 거 같습니다. 장황한 에세이 보다는 간결하게 자신의 의견이 무엇인지를 명확하게 말해주는 에세이가 훨신 좋습니다. 따라서 에세이를 서술할 때 너무 양을 광범위하게 늘리는 것 보다는 내용에 초점을 더 맞추면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |