▶ Your Answer :
A thought-provoking current issue concerns
how people spend their time. Some believe that people today spend too much time
on personal enjoyment rather than doing things they should do. It is therefore timely to consider the
validity of this perspective. Personally, I am convinced that contemporary
people spend too much time on doing their duty rather than private enjoyment.
In the following paragraph, I will explain the detailed and logical reasons for
my opinion. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, development of thechnology
makes people work anytime and anywhere. To explain, due to developed electronic
devices, even though people are not in work time, people should handle their
work. I'd like to give my uncle's experience as an example. My For example, my uncle has worked
at Samsung, the largest company in my country
for 20 years. He is proud of his career, but recently, he wants to quit his
job. This is because well-developed electronic devices and Social Network
services make him work even during weekend. Specifically, if his boss has
emergency situation or complain related to his work, the boss immediately can
contact to him. It is impossible to ignore the contact of boss since the boss
is able to know whether he is using smartphone by utilizing SNS application.
Were it not for these technologies, my uncle could do less task while his
holiday. This example clearly shows because of developed technology, nowadays,
people cannot help working more than the past. during his break time.
Top of that On top of that, development of technology makes
people not only work more but also more competitive. In fact, because of
competitive atmosphere of contemporary society, people should spend much more
time on doing their duties. Specifically, as the economy and the industries
have evolved, it is more difficult to get jobs in the modern society. According
to the research conducted by Korea university, there are 47 % fewer jobs in
2010s than 1960s. This is because improved technology and machine replace
people. Thus, people should endeavor more become more competitive in order to
get less jobs. Without competition and effort, they cannot achieve decent job,
which makes students and job seeker study and compete more. Therefore, it is
safe to say that because of replacing people with improved technology,
contemporary people work and study more to obtain better job.
For the reasons mentioned above, I firmly
believe that today, people do not spend too much time on personal enjoyment. Rather,
they should spend too mu ch time on doing things they should do.
Good: 24~30 점수; 26 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 이러한 부분을 잘 충족 시키고 있는 거 같습니다. 두 가지 칭찬할 부분이 있습니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 간결함 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 간결하게 자신의 의견을 잘 표현 하고 있는 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분으로 인해 에세이가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지를 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 두 번째는 구체적인 설명과 적절한 예시 사용입니다. 이 두 부분은 에세이로 하여금 설득력 잇게 만든 거 같습니다. 잘 서술하였습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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