▶ Your Answer :
There might some people who believe
that teachers have a bigger effect on a student’s academic achievement that than students do. However, in my opinion, a student’s academic achievement is more affected
by classmates than teachers. This is because students can develop their
academic achievement through competing each other and giving some advice.
To begin with, students can be
motivated by competing with classmates. To explain, competition is an effective
factor to improve academic achievement. Think of that the reason why there are
grades around the world. This is because competition makes people to do better.
If there were no competition, there would be no development (왜 발전이 없는지에 대한 설명이 필요 할 거 같아요). Let me bring my
personal experience. When I was in high school, there were two kinds of
classes. The first one is a general subject about Spanish and students did not
have to compete since there were no tests and grades. However, the other one is
a major subject, mathematics and the class judged the students by thorough
evaluation. After that, I have improved my math ability but could not have
developed my Spanish. (좀 이상합니다 학급 친구들의 평가가 어떠한 영향을 줬는지에 대한 설명이 필요할 거 같아요)
On top of that, classmates can
provide some information and advice each other. What this means that if
students share their ideas, they can think more deeply about some problem and
then draw better solution. By this process, they can build a stronger ability
to achieve academic success. According to research done by Korean Education
Department, a group of students who have communicated with classmates got
better grades than studied respectively. To be specific, the former got almost A
grade while the latter got B or C. (결론을 주는 문장이 필요할 거 같아요 끝이 맺었다라는 느낌이 들지 않습니다)
To sum up, classmates have a bigger
effect on a student’s academic achievement by not only competing each other,
but also providing information and advice.
In this regard, I personally believe
that classmates’ roles have more effective on school achievement. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 전반적으로 구체적인 설명이 빈약한 거 같아요. 특히 첫 번째 바디에서 왜 이러한 결과들이 나타나졌는지에 대한 구체적인 설명이 꼭 필요 할 거 같습니다. 구체적인 설명이 없었기에 왜 사용된 예시가 나왔는지 이해가 잘 안되었습니다. 수고하셨습니다. |