Do you think it is important to know about events happening around the world that are not related to you? |
‘The butterfly effect’ it is a pervasive word that we could usually quote in some situation. can 과거를 쓸이유가 없을듯.. As its meaning, even petty events happening in around the world can cause significant
impact on so far as the other side, especially we are living. We tend to overlook the
thing not related directly to us. However, can we really be confident that it will not ->sure influence on ourselves? We can’t, I think. There are two reasons why I think we should
care about the events happening all over the world. First, it is because everything is to do with each other, even though they seem not to ->they seemingly have any direct correlation. Even In the nature, it can be application to it through ‘feed are not related to our eveyday life we live by. ->we can observe that nature is not an chain.’ If there is no grass, crop and water on earth, every animal including both exception. herbivores and carnivores will not be able to live anymore without them. You might think
that carnivores would be safe to the matter because their staple is not kind of the grass. will not be affected by the absence of them(would등의 조동사는 자신감 But it is impossible and nonsense theory. If they can ignore to their extinction, they have 없는 말로 비추어질 수도 있습니다) their extinction to find substitution for grass, water or something exhausted. But it is also out of ->to support themselves. question. Let’s apply it to our story. If we were animal, we would be striving to look for
other materials capable to replace it. We should know every creature and situation have to replace them. close connection we do not know yet or not. That is the reason why there is existence or not 빼구요. of Institutions or funds in the world such as UNICEF, UN and OEEC. Knowing the need of
the cooperation, we establish organizations like that and encouraging countries not encourage other countries accessed to join to them. Second, through accumulating knowledge about the many events happening in the accumulated world, we can get tons of useful knowledge need to our lives. The present is the past that we need for our lives. and future. Analyzing the past gives us a didactic lesson. Through it, we realize what a lesson 또는 moral we must not do. And, as a result of current events, we can infer what will happen to us
in the future and take action to bad things like disaster or the recession. As this saying take action to prevent bad things ~ As a saying ‘knowledge is power’, knowing about diverse fields is never harmful to us. Of course, goes, ~ sometimes a little knowing is dangerous is true. But I think the ignorance is the thing we sometimes that a little~ that절이 주어로 쓰이면 생략불가. have to be ashamed of more than having a little knowledge. In conclusion, it can be troublesome to care about many things not personal problem. that don't have any However, with the effort to take interest in events occurring in the world we are living in, influence on our lives. the world can progress further than now. It is prerequisite to make our world more
worthy to live. So, for these reasons, I strongly believe that being aware of the events
happening in the world even seem not to related to us is more useful than ignorance. seemingly not realated to us is more useful than not knowing anything.
시간이 없어서 대충 봤습니다. 일단 좋은 내용인데요. 너무 추상적으로 쓰면 감점을 당하는 것 같더라구요. 좀더 specific한 내용을 찾아서 구체적인 예를 들면서 쓰면 좋구요. 그리고 자연에 비유한 내용은 좋은 것 같습니다. 그리고,,,문법은 좀더 연습하셔서, 군더더기 없이 깔끔하게 쓸려고 노력하고, 관계사나 수식어구등이 너무 많아지면 읽는 사람도 싫어할 겁니다. 간결하면서 핵심을 찌르는 문체가 적어도 토플에서는 환영받는것 같습니다.
점수는 저도 잘은 모르지만 20점~24점 정도인것 같습니다. |