> > 2009-06-30 15:52:18, 'sarang' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
Do you agree or disagree? The best way for a good future is to plan carefully when you are young.
People often said that carefully planning about our future (or A careful future plan is important..) when we are young is very important for a good future. Personally, I agree with the above statement for two reasons. First of all, it helps people to fulfill their goal even faster. In addition, having a specific plan allows people to live to the fullest ( live to the fullest?) with greater passion. (인트로에서 거창하게,first of all, in addition,또박또박 말 안해주셔도 될 것 같네요, 뭐 그냥 I agree with the above statement because it helps people to fulfill their goal faster and to build greater passion toward their lives... blabla..)
To begin with, planning (planning what? - specify; planning about our future lives..) when we are young would help people to achieve their goal in a short time. This is because they could save a great amount of time by planning for the future. People who do not have a specific plan are easy to suffer from wasting of time going through the trial-and-error process. On the other hands, people who have a detailed plan not only do not need to spend their time on making a decision,(아예 안쓴다고 말하기 보다 시간이 덜 든다; 시간을 아낀다..라는 말이 더 나을것 같네요 ^^) but also do not have to worry about such confusions and mistakes caused from the errors.(what errors?) According to the survey conducted by Chosun daily, one of Korean's major newspaper,(그냥 순서를, 이러이러한 newspaper, 조선일보 이런식으로 하는게 더 나을 것 같네요) more two of thirds artists(two thirds of artists) responded that they planned their specific future when they are were young and it allowed them to render such good performances. They also said that they found their talents and preferences even before entering primary school. In this way, I could say that a carefully organized plan can let people reach to their goals faster. 그런데, plan이 goal을 reach하는데
도움을 주겠다는 건 알겠는데 faster 하게 할 수 있다는건 예에서 혹시 증명하셨나요? 제가 놓쳤나요?^^:
예는 그냥 artist들이 어렸을때 계획을 짰더니, 좋은 성과가 있었더라...인데 지금 이 문단의 토픽은
더빨리 좋은 성과를 거둘수 있게 해준다죠? 그럼 그 artist들이 젊다거나... 뭐 그런걸 지어서라던가
덧붙혀서 말해주셨으면 좋았을것 같네요...
Moreover, a good plan for the future leads us to live more fulfilling life with passion and enthusiasm. We have witnessed many cases that a good plan motivates people to try harder with a great passion. People who have specific plan are neither lazy nor at a loss, as to how to proceed in life.?? They try to live their life in an organized way in order to reach their goals. For instance, many successful soccer players are said to have set a detailed plan with the help of their parents, prepare a realistic and organized plan.??
They also said that they accordingly joined the club, followed training schedules, and made every effort in activities related to their goals. they joined the soccer club and put all their efforts into the trainings to reach their goals....Therefore, a good plan allows people to live more fulfilling life with passions and enthusiasm.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that a bright future starts with a detailed plan. A carefully made plan saves us time in accomplishing our goals. Besides, it helps us to live more productive and enthusiastic life. For these reasons, it could be said that a good future can be guaranteed by a detailed plan for it.
뭐 딱 딱 정해진 형식은 없어요, 그냥 기본적인 structure안에 스스로가 자연스럽게 글이 흘러갈수 있도록
문장을 만드는 거죠? 인트로는 이렇게 쓰는거고, 이렇게 쓰는거다 딱딱 정해서 쓰면 아무래도
글 전체가 부자연 스러워 질 수 있으니까요, 기본적으로 structrue 대로 하되, 그 안에서의 문장형식이나
어구들은 자연스럽게 이어갈수 있도록 만들어주시는 게 좋을 것 같네요, 아무래도 누가 그걸
자연스럽게 이끌어가냐가 실력이겟죠?
굳렄,