주제: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
being happy with a job is more important than having a high salary.
Nowadays, when people choose their jobs, many of them consider a the level of salary as a the top priority rather than what kind of job they choose (rather than kinds of jobs they are interested in or good at..) . However, without conviction, I think it's more important whether they are happy with a job rather than how much the income is because those who are happy with their job tend to be more successful and get less stress than those who aren't. (너무 복잡하게 길게
문장이 되있어요.. >> I think it is more important to look for jobs which people can enjoy by their hearts rather than which have higher incomes. Then people can be more happy with less stresses,leading to increase their work efficiency and even successful lives.) Thus, I agree with the statement that being happy with a job is more important than having a high salary
To start with, all of successful people in business love their jobs and do their best in their respective fields. However, if they were are not happy with their jobs, could they stand as successful businessman? (it would be impossible to put the title, "Successful businessmen" on them.)
Not at all. the passion and enthusiasm which are the most strong motivation for success can't be exerted>이건 무슨의미로 써진건가요? if they have no interest in their jobs. For From my personal example, my current math teacher in my school ( my current school math teacher) was once a supervisor in the world famous enterprise, getting with the unimaginably high-salary. 대문자로 H however, he had no interest in his job. so he quit and became a math teacher in at highschool which was his dream since he was in highschool a highschool student . He said he's even happier to teach in at highschool than getting a million dollars in from his previous company.
Furthermore, as the aphorism says, money can't buy happiness. Even if you have a high salary income, if you get enormous stress and lose your enthusiasm, there is no good to get those money. (왜 if가 두개가 들어가나요 ~~, >
A high salary is meaningless if you get stressed out enormously with no enthusiasm with the job...) For example, in the movie called The Visitor, the old professor quits his 20year old job which gave him unbearable boredom and lethargy and decides to become a musician even though he could get all dignity and high salary as a professor. >> an old professor taught students for 20 years with the high salary, but with boredom. Finally he quits the job and decides to become a musician, giving up all the comfort, reputation, social status and the unbearable boredom.
To sum up, Being happy with a job is more important than having a high-salary. No business man who aren't (되도록이면 풀어서 are not ) satisfied with their job could be successful. On top of that, money can't buy the happiness you get from your job. Thus, the top priority choosing for a job should be your interest in that job, not its salary.
시간은 잘 맞춰서 하셨나요?^^ ;
시간이 남아서 프루프 뤼딩도 한번 하시면 좋으실텐데.. ^^
아무래도 25점을 넘는다는건, 에세이가 자연스럽게 적어도, 그래머미스테이크
없고, 적어도 조금은 영어못하는사람 티 안나게 써야겠죠?
아무래도 25점을 넘는다는건 그리 낮은 점수는 아니니까요 ^^
아무래도, 그래머미스테이크도 있고, 부자연스러운 문장들이 있어서,
점수가 깎이는게 아닐까 생각해보구요,
뭐 한가지 말하자면 님께서 에세이에 they를 썼으니까요,
그들의 직업은 하나가 아니니까 복수로 jobs로 써주시구요 ^^
문장을 시작할때 대문자로 시작하시는건 실수라고는 하시겠지만
높은점수를 받고싶으시다면 이런 사소한 실수들도 시험에서는
되도록이면 하지 마시구요ㅡ
at이랑 in이랑 구별 잘하시구요, (저도 어쩔땐 헷갈려요 .. ^^)
뭐 정 헷갈리면 위에 제가 바꾼것처럼, 다른 형식의 문장으로 그냥 간단히
바꿔버리는것도 방법이겠네요 또! 문장을 쓸데없이 귀찮다고 한문장에
다 넣어버리는 짓은 하지 마시구요 ^^ ㅋㅋ
우선 정리하자면, 더 높은 점수를 받고싶으시다면 조그만한 실수같은것도
하지 마시구요,
문장들을 더 자연스럽게 하는 연습, 즉, 쓰고 또 쓰고 또 쓰는 연습,
뭐 글을 읽다가 좋은 단어나 어구그런것도 보고 배우고 자기것 만들어서
쓰는 연습도 하시구요,
굳렄,