Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
Recently, I see many students study so hard, work, and take part time job, in order to earn a lot of money in the future; 세미 콜론 있으니까 and 는 안쓰셔도 될듯해요they think it is a great success. 생략 It is success. However, I disagree with this becuase I don't think that only people who earn a lot of money are successful, but that people who take their desired jobs regardless of salaryare successful in happiness. In addition, people often choose suicidal over money although they are successful. I will explain those two facts.
To begin with, I watched on the media that some people said that they are successful in happiness without possessing a lot of money. They took jobs related to their favorite hobbies withought receiving full payment. They were pretty sure that they reached their goal with doing what they really want to do everyday, in other words, success. Through hearing this, I have started to believe not only that money does not drive people's successfulness, but other things also can make them successful.
Secondly, This fact what fact?? also shows me that money do not cause people's successfulness. Some people choose to die over money, probably becuase they have so much money, which can not be controlled. For example, a CEO suicided because he thought that earning a lot of money would make his life happier, but he was not happy at all becuase he started to lose people around him over his fortune. 문장을 적당한 곳에서 끊어 주는게 좋아요. 너무 길면 문장이 산만해 진답니다. because 를 많이 쓰시네요 since 등도 써보세요~ a CEO suicided becuase he was not happy at all even though he thought that money would make his life happier. The fortune he made actually caused his people to leave, which was different from his thought.
In addition, right before his death, he wrote that "I devoted my entire life earning money becuase I was very very poor in my childhood, which I hated. However, now I find myself in misery becuase of my fortune." People obey me but they are so disguised" disguise 는 타동사죠~이렇게 쓰시면 그들은 속임을 당한다라고 해석이 되네요. 이것보단 superficial 걷으로만 이라는 뜻의 단어를 써도 좋겠네요.
Those two I have mentioned above had let me beliving earning money do not make people successful but I think it depends on a person. Having full happiness, but a little bit of money is enough to be successful, so, I think, the true successfulness is what people find themselves enjoying.
이유가 2가지 첫번째 진정한 행복은 돈보다는 자신이 원하는 일을 하는 것이다. 두번째가 돈을 가진다는 것이 행복을 보장하지 않는다. 한자살한 ceo 의 예를 보아.
이유가 같은 맥락인거 같군요. 행복은 자신을 원하는 것을 할때 더 잘 얻을수 있다. 거기에 대한 support 가 없어요. 왜요? 왜 그렇게 생각하는지가 중요하죠. 아니면 여기에 대한 예시를 제시해 주셔야 해요. 그냥 그렇게 생각해는 좀 난해 하답니다.
두번째는 예시는 좋을 수 있으나 좀 뭐랄까 감당할 수 없는 돈때문에 자살을 선택했다라는 느낌이 좀 드네요. 이건 make sense 하지 않는거 같아요. 돈을 많이 벌려고 노력하다 보니 사람을 손익만을 따져서 혹은 시간이 없어서 주위의 사람들을 많이 잃었다더라. 이런 느낌이 좋겠네요~
도와주세욤 영어를 잘 못해서 제 에세이를 judge할 그런 센스가 없습니당. 따끔한 지적 환영입니다!
|