"보통사람들이 기존의 알고있는 지식만을 활용하는데 비해 성공한 사람들은 새로운것을 시도하고 위험을 감수한다." 어그리냐 디스어그리냐 (070317)
로직이랑 문법좀 봐주센..아랫님도 말씀하셨듯 무관심이 젤 무서워요 ㅎㄷㄷ 그리구 지금 저 외에도 이번 토욜시험 준비하시는분 꽤 되는것 같은데 상부상조합시다..다른 브레인스토밍 아이디어 있으시면 좀 덧글달아주시구요 :) |
Nowadays, we often read and heard >> hear (일반적 사실은 현재 시제죠) about successful people's story. In their stories, we can find that they have some distinctive characteristics that ordinary people do not have; for example, creativity, passion, indomitable spirit, perseverance, and so forth. Added to this, most of them have innovative, even deviant(이건 제가 알기론 좀 안좋은 뜻인데요. 여기에 쓰시면 안될꺼 같습니다. 긍정적인 문장에 제정신이 아닌 정상에서 벗어난 이런 말을....) ideas that ordinary people did not ever thought >> haven't thought ever before과거부터 지금까지 생각을 못해 왔다는 거죠 보통 사람들이 like that and took risks of do these revolutionary ideas even though there were many obstacles and dangers while they were doing their ideas in action. Therefore, I completely agree with the statement. One of the major key factors ( one of 복수형) of many successful people is trying new ideas rather than using knowledge that many people already knew.
제가 찾은 첫번째 문단의 문법적 오류 입니다.
First of all, due to the development of technology and social change, many people are well educated and become knowledgeable. This means that it is hard to obtain great success with already known knowledge and ideas because there are too many well-educated, smart competitors in the market. The same rule can applicable to competitions among many companies in the market. Our capitalist system mass-produces consumer goods that often have very few distinctive features from each other. Thus, many ordinary people and companies struggle to survive in the limited, highly-competitive market.
However, successful people are different from these ordinary people. As I mentioned above, they had innovative, new ideas and pushed on their ideas against all odds. They tried to open up unexploited field and market rather than compete severely with many common people who had only broadly-known knowledge and ideas. Eventually they achieved great success and other people are attracted to their success story. I think Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks company, is a good example of these kind of successful people. He have innovative management and marketing strategy that is far from strategies of many of other competitors in the market. At first, some people considered him as a crazy guy. But finally, his strategies have made Starbucks to the most dominant coffee shop in the world.
In conclusion, successful people have ideas that diffrent from generally-known ideas and do not afraid to do their ideas. While many people use knowledge that are already known, they developed their distinctive ideas and put them into action.
(마지막 문장에서 이렇게 안하고 패러프레이징하는게 좋다는건 알고 있는데요 주제를 한글로밖에 몰라서 이렇게 씁니다-_-;;) |