some famous athletes and entertainers deserve to be paid high salaries |
People tend to believe that it is incorrect ->not good enough // not entitled // incorrect는 틀렸다라는 의미로 받을 자격이 있다없다의 논란에서 쓰이긴 어색한 단어네요; for some famous athletes and entertainers to earn a large amount of money. This is due to the fact that athletes and entertainers do not contribute to the people's welfare by producing some commodities that help people convenience. However, this view is misguided belief, since they help people happy by giving fun or moving people. In addition, they do not earn money by chance, but their efforts. First of all, athletes and entertainers make people happy and to사역에서는 생략 get away from the sophisticated society. They are like motivators ->play a role like motivators in people's lives. Recently, since normal people (normally or usually)do not have any habit and time to refresh their mind outdoors, they are depressed from serious strain and heavy stress all the time. However, they can reduce their stress, as they enjoy athletes' game or entertainers' show for a while. For example, when I was in high school, I suffered from severe depression, since I prepared for the national college entrance exam. I had no time to meet friends and to go out to reduce this stress. At that time, I could only relieve my stress by watching baseball games and several shows on TV when I ate dinner. If it had not been for them->정확하 어떤것을 의도했는지 파악하기 어렵네요;;, I would have not concentrated on my study well. Secondly, athletes and entertainers do not make large benefits not by their fortune, but their effort. Sports players spend their most time -> most of thier time on exercising in a gym and a field, and entertainers make effort to improve their talking skill in order to draw people's attentions. To illustrate this idea, in Korea, there is one famous entertainer in TV. He spent 10 years on making effort to get popularities. During that period, he had to go through harsh experience. However, he finally succeeded getting attention from the public and thus he earns enormous money now. Since he accomplished this by his efforts, no one can say he does not deserve to get paid much money. In summary, people are likely to envy others' success and are not apt to see their hardships that they should undergo to get popularities. Furthermore, they do not know how much they refresh by entertainers and athletes. In conclusion, I believe that some famous athletes and entertainers deserve to be paid high salaries.
문법적으로틀린부분이라기 보다는 어감이 약간 한국적인게 많은 것 같아요;; 본론 내용도 좀더 구체적으로 자세히 쓰시는게 좋을 것 같구요^^화이팅// |