▶ Your Answer :
The majority of people in their early to
mid-twenties think that people are not able to learn to be a leader since
leadership is a born-gift. This notion, however, does not reflect the stance
that I hold and should be thought about in a different light. I believe that
people are able to learn to be a leader by traveling other cultures. This is
because traveling other cultures enables people to respect for others and
strengthen responsibility. 질문 내용은 리더가 되기 위한 자질을 기를 수 있는 방법이 어떤 것인지 묻는 것이 아니므로 off-topic의 답변입니다. 타고나는 게 아니라면 '왜' 타고난 게 아니라고 보는지에 대한 서술이 필요합니다.
First
of all, traveling other cultures allows people to respect for others.
Initially, I thought that people are not able to learn to be a leader since
leadership is a born-gift. However, after having read many experts’ opinions
from major newspapers, I changed my view. I realized that people could lack
chances to respect for others without traveling other cultures. Traveling to
new destinations means opportunities to learn new ideas, because what is
commonly accepted as the cultural norm at home may not be the case in other
cultures. For example, lunch at work in my country is usually only an hour long
and many employees even rush through their meals to maximize time for work.
Thus, those who take longer lunch breaks would be branded as unproductive.
However, when traveling Hispanic countries, I noticed that lunch hours can last
as long as two to three hours. It was explained to me that face time to eat
with friends and family is more important than productivity at work. Being able
to shift perspectives helped me to respect better for those from different
cultural values. This experience was convincing enough to change my initial
thoughts, and I learned that traveling other cultures plays a significant role
in respecting for others, which results in learning to be a leader. 여행을 통해 다른 문화에 대한 존중을 배울 수 있다는 것은 리더십의 자질이 타고난 것인지/아닌지를 묻는 질문과 아무런 관련이 없습니다.
Moreover,
traveling other cultures motivates people to strengthen responsibility.
Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea published an article
in “The Korean Herald” last Tuesday which claims that traveling other cultures
contributes to learning to be a leader. The article argued that 62 percent of 200
Korean senior executives at leading corporations stated that the key to their
success was their experience of traveling other cultures. This was because they
could strengthen their responsibility. They added that responsibility is
regarded more highly now than in the past because today’s huge problems and
tasks have to be resolved by one individual’s talent and ability. I thought of
this report because the results of the survey resonated with my thoughts. 마찬가지로 리더십을 기를 수 있는 방법에 대한 설명이므로 논점에 맞지 않습니다.
To
sum up, I believe that people are able to learn to be a leader by traveling
other cultures for the following reasons: respecting for others and
strengthening responsibility. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be
underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
Comment : 주제가 묻는 내용을 잘못 이해하신 것 같아 아쉬워요. 리더십을 기르는 방법에 대한 것과는 다른 내용의 질문이므로 현재 답안은 off-topic입니다. 현재 내용은 모델에세이를 응용해서 작성하기는 좀 어려운 내용일 것 같아요. 질문에서 제시한 leader의 자질들이 타고나는 것이 아니라 후천적으로 길러질 수 있는 것임을 보여주는 주장들로 답안을 구성해야 합니다. 주제에 맞게 다시 답을 작성해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. off-topic은 큰 감점요인이 되니 문제 내용에 유의해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우)
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