A number of student consider to work for companies after thier graduation. most students are trying to get a specification, so-called spec,/ the reason that why student should try entering the largy company is that companie are providing good working place for the empolyee, Also the international corperation, such like Samsung, is paying a high salary to thier employee and empolyee would be able to get a outstanding career for thier field of job./ according to former statement, However, due to an extensive demanding, it is hard to enter the large company. Therefore it may be alternatively direction that student would apply to small enterprise. 우선 인트로가 장황해요. 간단하게만 general한내용쓰고
주장(토픽) 과 근거 한두 문장으로 간략히써주시고 나머지얘기들은 바디로 쑝~
First of all, large company is making hard working, for instance, Smsung as the famous international corporation is also famous as hard working, the general time of leaving thier work is between 9 to 12, (pm) even though some workers are working in weekend. contrastly small company staffs are supported sufficient leisure time, its mean is(it means that) empolyees are getting more opportunity of self-devoloping, In my case, i have wanted to enter the small company and if i will join the company, i would expect to enter the graduate school for learning business economics. because i wish both getting much of money and doing what i want, Therfore, applying the small company is desirable.
읽으시면 아시다시피 문장하나하나 다 따로 노는느낌이예요.이어지지 않죠. 그리고
그래머 미스테이크때문에 무슨말을 하려는지 정확히 알지도 모르겠구요
두번째 문단을 시작할때 처음에 다시 토픽센텐스를 써주세요, small comapny가 이러이러기때문에
더좋다/ 이러이러한 이유중 다른 하나는~이렇게 시작해주세요.
Also, In small company, there is not preisely divide department's bounderay, so you could easy to learn a manifold business practice easily , it is helping for thier career and ability of working, /most persons who are woking at small company want to get another stable job which have better condition of working place such as paying high salary and enough time for rest. Therefore if people working at small company would join another job, the companies would sufficiently recognize thier careers and ability of business parctice.
in conclusion, economical state are becoming worse more and more badly, also supplying about oppotunity of job is lower than before, therefore it is not easy to get a job, however, there are many excellent small companys, if you turn your sight of the job, the small company would be alternatively direction of your life.
우선 제일먼저 말씀드리고싶은건,
capitalize안하고, 마침표도 안찍고 콤마로 문장이 이어지고, 오타와 스펠링미스테이크가 있고 한다는건
글쓴이의 노력을 볼수없는 글이겠죠 그럼 읽는사람이 내용이 어떻든간에 에세이의 첫인상이
안좋아지는거겟죠? 그건 참고해두시구요 ^^
너무 잔소리같았나요?^^:
뭐 그래도 다 님에게 살이되고 피가된다는...ㅋㅋㅋ ;;
굳렄.
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