▶ Your Answer : Some people might believe that life nowadays is more comfortable and easier than when our grand parents were young. However, I strongly disagree with the above statement for two reasons. First, we can access to a lot of information with more ease easier. Second, transportation systems are very convenient. First of all, we can access to a lot of information whenever and wherever we want. Due to the development of science, almost all people use smart phones and computers. So, it is now much easier to find the information we want. We can simply ask google or look it up on an online dictionary. However, it was not as easy when our grand parents were young. I know this from my experience. When I went to my grand parent’s house last winter, my grand mother told me how hard it was to get information when she was young. She said that her house used to be the only one that had television. So, people gathered at her house in the evening to watch news to find out what is happening and get information. (이 예시도 좋지만 예시와 연관지어서 결론을 맺는걸로 바디 1을 끝내는 게 더 좋았을 거 같습니다) Second, transportation systems are very convenient. Since the high way from Busan to Seoul was built, traveling time decreased from 10 hours to 5. Also, high speed trains and air planes allow us to travel in even shorter time. This lets people to live wherever they want because it enables them to commute long-distance on a daily basis. However, when my grand parents were young, things were much slower. According to the Statistics Institution in Korea, the average traveling distance to work in the mid 1900s (1900's) was much shorter than it is now. Also, there are twice more high ways and varieties of transportation we can use to what was available back then. (바디 결론이 없는게 좀 아쉽습니다) To sum up, I believe that life is more comfortable and easier these days compared to in comparison to when our grandparents were young. This is because accessing to information and transportation systems is much more easier today then it was when our grand parents were young. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 전체적으로 문법적으로 틀린 부분 이 많습니다. 또한 이 에세이의 문제점은 각 바디의 결론입니다. 지금까지 본인이 작성하신 걸 봤을 때 바디들을 결론없이 너무 갑자기 끝났다는 느낌을 받았습니다. 따라서 바디를 작성 하실 때 각 이유에대한 결론을 맺고 끝내는게 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다. |