▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that it is better for young people to select a job in the same field as their parents. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the subsequent reasons. Selecting a job in another field with their parents can improve their independence. (독립형 에세이에서는 이유가 2개 이상 필요합니다)
To begin with working in different field with your people's (에세이 형태에서는 you가 나오면 안됩니다) parents can improve your independence. It challenges you to get out of your comfort zone. By working in the same filed as your parent, you can not escape from your parents. I think it is important to improve our own power. We must not rely on parents anymore. Imagine that you can not do anything without your parents. Would it be possible for you to live in the world after dying your parents after people's parents are dead? The answer will be "no". The best way to survive in the world is improving to improve your independence. Frankly, this issue is actually like a double-edged sword. It is also true that people who work with their parents can feel comfortable. However, I believe the disadvantages of selecting a job in the same field as your parents outweigh the advantages concerning the fact that you can improve your independence when parents do not exist in the work place. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. Actually, I worked together with my parents in the same field last year. Working with them together, I rather relied on them more. Also, they solved all things whenever I get problems. I did not try to solve problems using my own power. I realized that it is not good, so I found new job, and moved there. In this place, I am working worked harder than before, and trying to solve by myself. In this process, I can improve my independence. It became a turning point in my life.
In conclusion, by selecting a different job with your parents, you can improve your independence. For these reason, I strongly believe that it is better to select a different job with your parents. Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 먼저 문법적으로 틀린 부분들이 좀 있습니다. 하지만 가장 근본적인 문제는 이유가 하나입니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 적어도 2개 이상의 이유가 필요합니다. 2 가지 이상 바디가 필요한 이유는 독립형 에세이의 목적 때문입니다. 독립형 에세이에 목적은 상대방을 설득시키는 겁니다. 따라서 두 개 이상의 이유를 사용하면 상대방을 더 효과적으로 설득 할 수 있을 겁니다. 수고하셨습니다. |