▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that strict rules are necessary for children to obtain success. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. First, it is a more important factor for children’s success to have free and open atmosphere than to follow strict rules. Second, following strict rules can have many side effects.
To begin with, having free and open atmosphere is more crucial matter of children's success than following strict rules. While strict rules can reduce children's creativity by limiting their chance to try, free and open atmosphere offers various opportunities for children to try anything they can do. Under this atmosphere, they will gain a lot of experience, which is a good basis of success to succeed. According to a journal written by MJ, a Korean expert on child development, 80% of winners of Nobel prize were raised by open-minded parents, so they also could have tried many things in atmosphere of freedom. This clearly shows that a lenient parenting style is a better way of raising children as a person who gains success in life. to raise successful children
On top of that, following strict rules can have many side effects. To be specific, certain rules partially help children to gain small success, but strict rules ultimately can cause them to be stressed out. Most of children are already under a lot of pressure due to competitive society these days. Therefore, it can be additional stress for children that parents impose them to follow strict rules, which is critical cause of declining productivity.when parents impose strict rules Let me bring up my friend’s story as an example. When I was in elementary school, I had a classmate who was under strict parents. His parents always had imposed him to follow strict rules such as ban on watching TV and playing games, because his parents thought that TV and playing games would not helpful for his success. He looked okay at first, however, as time goes by, he had become stressed out and even depressed. As a result, his performance strikingly dropped, and he could not get good grades until graduation. If he had had not not had strict rules, he would have gained better grades.
To sum up, setting strict rules by parents not only is not important factor for children's success, but also can have has many side effects. In this regard, I personally believe that this is not necessity for children’s success. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 문법적 오류들이 많이 보입니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 문법적 오류 뿐만 아니라 반복되는 문장이 많습니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 반복적인 문장을 지향하지 않으니 장황하게 반복적인 문장을 서술하는 것 보다는 간결하게 본인의 의견을 전달 하는 것이 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 이것 이외에는 문제가 되는 것이 없습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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