▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that it is better to make friends who are similar to you than whose who are dissimilar to you, while other people think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views, If I have to choose one, I would say that It is better to make peers who are different from them than those who are similar to them. There are several reasons and examples as follow.
First of all, hanging out with different people generates opportunities to participate in a variety of activities. Because friends who have different hobbies can encourage a person to explore a new world. As friends who have different hobbies can encourage a person to explore a new world, such friend is important. For example, thanks to due to my athlete friend’s influence, I changed my sedentary lifestyle and was introduced to tennis which is now my favorite activity. If I spend time only with friends who are inactive, I would have not learned healthy and fun tennis. My lifestyle is greatly enriched by new hobby and I become more rounded person.
On top of that friends who are different from us broaden out perspectives. The reason is that friends who are specialists in diverse field of study or hold political and social opinions can dramatically open a person’s view by sharing their knowledge and stories. According to a study conducted by researchers have shown that people with dissimilar friends experience expanded perspectives. This is because people become more mature matured as they embrace different backgrounds and beliefs from them. This study also points that people who are associated with a wide range of friends find it easier to make new friends and adjust to strange environment.
In brief, I firmly believe that the advantages of making peers who are dissimilar to me far outweighs it's disadvantages for the reason I have mentioned before. All in all, the importance of diverse viewpoints cannot be underestimated in developing one’s life. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 좋은 부분을 말하기 전에 문제가 된다라고 생각 하는 부분을 먼저 잘하겠습니다. 일단 두 번째 바디나 결론은 매끄럽게 문법적 오류없이 논리적으로 잘 서술하였습니다. 하지만 첫 번째 바디에서 문법적인 오류와 어법상 맞지 않는 부분이 있기 때문에 제가 좀 고쳤습니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 전체적으로 아주 잘 서술되었습니다 각 바디의 예시가 이유를 잘 서포트 하고 있고요. 이렇게만 계속 서술하시면 원하는 점수를 얻을 수 잇을 거 같습니다. |