■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : The governments should invest more in supporting art museums and music performances than recreational facilities such as play grounds or public swimming pool |
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▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, art, music and sports all play a significant roll in people's lives in many ways. Some might say that the government has to spend more money on art and music, while the others think oppositely. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that it is better for the government to increase its funds on recreational facilities for the following to reasons.
To begin with, well-facilitated play grounds help people improve their overall health. When people work out on a regular basis, it creates more white blood cells, contributing to improvement of immune systems. For example, according to a study conducted by Yonsei University, two groups showed a huge difference in health status. The one group consisted of those who regularly exercised at a nearby park, and the other group was made up of those who did not. The researchers found that the former group was less likely to have serious diseases. On the contrary, the high percentage of the latter group had adult diseases such as high blood pressure. This study implies that exercising regularly promotes people's health.
On top of that, when the government increases its funds on art and music, it can lead to citizens' complaints. Government money is made up of taxes, which means that it is required to obtain public's consent for using it. If citizens start to think that money is spent on which is only benefiting a small portion of the population, they would lose trust in the government. For example, the Korean government announced that they would decrease their funds on educations and increase those on art. Many people, particularly who think that art and music are not productive matters, started to protest against this decision. However, the government did not renounce it, resulting in the government party lost at following election.
In a nutshell, the advantages of spending more money on sports facilities far outweigh those of investing bigger funds on art or music, taking into account that those facilities make people healthier and prevent citizens' complaints.
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점수: 25/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 두 번째 문단에서 art와 music을 소비하는 사람이 only a small portion of the entire population이라는 점을 먼저 설명해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
3. 문법은 주어 동사 일치를 잘 봐주세요.
4. conclusion 길이가 너무 짧습니다. 한 문단은 3문장 이상이라는 것을 기억해주세요.
5. 문장의 길이가 대체적으로 긴 편입니다. 짧고 간결하게 유지해주세요. (연결어 두 개 이상 X)
6. s로 끝나는 명사의 소유격이 올 때는 ' 뒤에 소유격 s를 생략합니다.