■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
|
|
▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Innovation is always a positive thing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. |
|
|
▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that innovation has a few negative aspects. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for subsequent two reasons. First, people can live more convenient lives. Second, Innovation allows people to live longer and healthier. (negative를 disagree한다고 하는 거 보다 positive하다는거에 agree하다고 하는것이 훨씬 더 clear합니다.) First of all, innovation can make people the society more convenient. This is because, with the development of new electronic equipment and devices like vacuum cleaners and fridges, people don't have to spend their time cleaning their home. Also, they don't have to think about complicated things such as keeping food groceries freshly. (문장이 너무 길어요.) They can just use home appliances like a vacuum cleaners or keep their food in the fridge. According to the recent research done by SE institution, people these days spend their time on household 3 hours per week, which is less than 10 hours per week that people from 5 decades ago have spent so. have done by 5 decades before people. This clearly shows that with the advent of innovation, people's lives became more convenient and they can utilize more leisure time than men of old times did. On the top of that, people can live longer and healthier by the development of medical technology. With the advance of medical field, people with diseases can easily be cured. can be cured of hazard diseases. Let me bring my uncle's personal story as an example. Three years ago, my uncle has caught on lung cancer. And he needed a big surgery to get rid of the cancer. Using the latest medical technology, doctors were able to save his life and they destroyed my uncle's cancer cells completely. And now, he is healthier than anyone else. Without modern medical technology, my uncle wouldn't have been cured. (문장의 시작을 And으로 하는건 바람직하지 않습니다. 다른 연결어를 활용하시면 좋을 것 같습니다.) saved his life. To sum up, innovation makes our lives not only convenient but also healthy. In this regard, I believe that innovation is always a good thing. |
|
점수: 25/30
무난하게 잘 쓰셨습니다.
여태껏 negative한 innovation이 한 차례도 없었다 라는 문장 하나만 더 들어가면 굉장히 좋을 것 같습니다.
반대 의견에 반박하는 것도 무척 중요한 요소랍니다.
문법은 철자 오류가 몇 차례 있었고 동사가 어색한 문장 phrase가 몇 개 있었습니다.
수정본을 보시고 참고하시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*