■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :정부가 어디에 돈을 쓰는게 아이들 교육에 가장 효과적인가? - 선생들 트레이닝 시키기 - 프리스쿨 설립 - 더 많은 선생을 고용해서 반당 학생 수 줄이기 |
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▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, education plays a significant
role in people's daily lives in many places where they work or study. There are
several ways to improve students' education such as training teachers, building
free schools and employing more teachers. If I had to choose one, I would say
that making the free school is the best way to enhance the students' education.
There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, building the free school
allows students to study more efficiently. They can choose their familiar subjects
and concentrate on the topic. When they are able to study selective subjects which
were selected themselves freely, (이부분 어색해요. 동어 반복) it brings about a good result. For example,
when my sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her
life became an exhausting routine. It was difficult to focus on study,
since she had to study in a regular class which was provided from school. However,
she has changed little by little after she moved to the free school nearby her
school. She was able to learn specific mathematics instead of many subjects.
Naturally, she was able to obtain a high score on SAT and thus be confident
about herself. Without the free school, she would not have been able to study
efficiently.
In addition, when the government focuses on
training and hiring lots of (many) teachers, the government needs lots of money. In
particular, employing several teachers requires many factors such as investing
much money, building the classroom and so on. So it is not the best method to
improve the students' education. (how about the money invested for building the free school? is it expensive? or cheap?) Also, students' mind for studying is more
important than the teacher's qualities and number. For example, the Yale
University found a huge difference between two groups of young adults in academic
performance. One group consisted of those who studied in a school which had 10
teachers, and the other group was made up of those who learned in free school
which had only 3 teachers. The researchers found that the latter was more likely to have a high score on SAT than the former. In particular, the second group
showed a high level of information, knowledge and positive mind. Through the
survey, we can know the importance of building the free school.
In conclusion, there are several methods to
improve students' education. However, the best way to enhance their knowledge
is to build the free school and utilize the school efficiently and
academically.
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점수: 25/30
철자 오류를 비롯한 문법 오류가 조금 있습니다. 수정본 보시고 참고하시면 될 것 같습니다.
그 외에 example은 모두 괜찮았습니다. 하지만 두번째 문단 첫번째에 financial aspect부분에서 free school은 어떠한지 조금 더 clear했으면 좋았을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*