▶ Your Answer :
Generally, some people say that it is
better to work by hand rather than by machinery. However, I disagree with the
opinion above. This is because people can save their time and money when they
use the machine.
Frist of all, people can save their time
when they use machine. It takes much longer time to make the same product by
hand than by machinery. Thus, people can save their time by using machine. For
example, when I was in college, one of the professors asked me and my friend to
make a poster each to put on the bulletin. I decided to design the poster by
using computer and to print it out, and I made it through only two days.
However, my friend who preferred to make by hand spent more than a week to make
it.
On top of that, people can save their budget
to manufacture products. People have to pay fee to employee workers, and it is
not cheaper than using machine. For instance, my cousin employed several
workers at his shoes factory when he began his business. However, his friend
recommend him to use machine instead of people, and he decided to do so. After
a few months, he said that he actually saved his money to furnish shoes than
before.
I believe that working by machine is better
than by hand because people can finish their work faster and save their money
to work. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 잘 서술하였지만 전체적으로 에세이가 짧다라는 경향이 있습니다. 에세이가 특히 각 바디 부분이 짧기 때문에 구체적인 설명이 빈약하다라는 느낌이듭니다. 좀 더 이유를 서포트 할 수 잇는 구체적인 설명을 더 서술하시는 것이 좋은 점수를 받는데에 있어 훨 신 좋을 거 같습니다. 이것 이외에는 크게 문제가 되는 부분이 없습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |