▶ Your Answer : Some people want to go back in the period. However, I strongly believe that grandparents had more tough lives than today's people because people can go to hospital whenever they get sick and international trade have developed increasingly so that people could get things that they wanted. for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, the quality of health have increased highly has increased rapidly. This is because people who were in grandparent's age were always worried about war and they were thankful if they could get only a small food so many people had died in this period. However, the hospital service prevents people to get illness. For instance, my grandfather had to join in The World War and he saw numerous deaths in there He saw numerous casualties during world war period. If our current medical system could use at that time, lots of people would have been enjoyed their lives with peace. Therefore, people are having many benefits by living today. On top of that, there are few limitations to get things that people wants to get. To be specific, people who were in historical period could not buy something that people liked to earn. If people also had money, they could not even dream it. In contrast, it is odd that people can not offer great services through this system. It is common to pursue and easy to achieve goals what people want. For example, I volunteered at senior center to help them, and old senior loved sweet deserts because she could not even eat one bite of candy. It was sad she did not had a chance to experience sort of this food that usually many people can get it easily from market. Thus, there are numerous ways to convey products so it is not impossible to have everything that people are eager to have.
To sum up, today's hospital makes people's life more effectively and it is hard to find things that people can not have. In this regard, I think people feel cozy these days when it compared to our grandparents generations.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 이 에세이는 저가 읽으면서 느낀것은 전체적으로 정리가 덜 되었다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 정리가 되어있지 않다라는 느낌이 드는 것은 에세이가 무슨 말을 하려고 하는지를 정확하게 잘 전달되어 있지 않는 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 전반적으로 정리가 덜되어 있기 때문에 좀 더 구체적으로 자신이 무슨 말을 전달할 것인지 에 대한 설명이 더 필요해 보입니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |