▶ Your Answer :
In the given materials, there are some disagreements between the views of the lecturer and the author over the issue of the first grain-based food. The professor questions the three points mentioned in the reading by articulating her valid reasons. To start with, the lecturer argues that the first grain-based food was beer, not bread, because beer was much easier to make than bread. The ancient people stored wheat and wheat were which sprouted, since it which was sweeter and, softer and tasted better. They did not need to do anything such like grinding. This casts doubt on the author's claim that the first grain-based food was bread because the ancestor ground wheat with stones because it was hard to eat. 주장과 반박이 reasonable하게 연결되지 않는 것 같아요. 발아한 밀이 더 달콤하고 부드럽고 맛있다는 내용과 최초 음식이 맥주일 것이라는 내용, 밀이 먹기 힘들어서 빵을 만들었다는 내용이 연관성 없이 나열되어 있습니다. reading의 내용에 반박하기 위해 어떤 근거를 사용했는지 좀 더 정확하게 정리해주세요. Also, the professor contends that natural fermentation happened very fast. The bubble and the form by fermentation would be the first beer, accidentally. accidently. This contradicts the writer's point that the fermentation was one of the steps for baking. Finally, according to the lecture, it is not clear that they baked bread with fire. At that time, people did not cook things. This counters the reading's point that they baked bread with fire.
Comment : 두 지문이 각각 어떤 포인트로 대립되고 있는지를 더 꼼꼼하게 체크해보셔야 할 것 같아요. 현재 답안으로만 보기에는 처음 곡물을 사용한 음식이 빵이다-맥주이다를 각각 다르게 주장하고 있는 것이 main topic이니까 이 내용을 서론에 먼저 소개하고 전개하는 편이 나을 것 같은데, 지문을 확인해보고 판단하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 각각의 본론에서 명확하게 주장-반박-근거 구도가 잘 드러나게끔 내용을 더 잘 연결해주세요. 핵심 요소만을 단순히 나열하는 것은 좋은 점수를 받기 어렵습니다. 맥락을 만드는 데 더 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Integrated Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 A response at this level contains some important information from the lecture and conveys some relevant connection to the reading, but it is marked by one or more of the following : - Although the overall response is definitely oriented to the task, it conveys only vague, global, unclear, or somewhat imprecise connection of the points made in the lecture to points made in the reading. - The response may omit one major key point made in the lecture. - Some key points made in the lecture or the reading, or connections between the two, may be incomplete, inaccurate, or imprecise. - Errors of usage and/or grammar may be more frequent or may result in noticeably vague expressions or obscured meanings in conveying ideas and connections. |