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There might be some people think that working at home using computers or telephones is more effective than working in the office due to convenience and freedom. However, in my opinion, it is more suitable to woke at the office than at home. I feel this way for two reasons. First, a home should be a space which can release our stress. Second, the office can make an efficient rate of work. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, generally, we have taken a rest at home after work. It gives us a stability and being calm down. This charges us to work again tomorrow. To be specific, if we work at home, home cannot be a good space for taking a rest. When we stay at home, though, we may think about our business constantly. It would press us into stress.
On top of that, working at the office has many advantages. First, we can discuss immediately some project with our co-worker. This increase increases our working speed comparing with in comparison to talking by a phone call. Second, we usually feel some tension at the office because we are not alone there. It makes for us to concentrate on our task. This also rises our working efficiency.
In this regard, I strongly believe that working at the office is better for people. There are lots of things which disrupt our focusing focus at home. In addition, we cannot truly run away from our work even we stay at home. In contrast, working at office give us effective working circumstance. Discussion with co-workers and adequate tension increase our concentration on work and working efficiency. Fair: 17~23 점수: 22 일단 너무 내용이 짤습니다. 특히 너무 결론과 인트로에 신경을 많이 쓰신 거 같습니다. 좀 더 단락에 구체적인 설명이 더 서술되어야 할 거 같습니다. 전체적으로 양이 짧기 때문에 이 에세이를 통하여서 무엇을 말하고자 하는 것인지 파악하는데에 있어서 많은 어려움이 있습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 이 단락을 통해 왜 본인이 주제에 대해서 이러한 생각을 가지게 됫는지를 좀 더 구체적으로 서술해야할 필요가 있어보입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |