▶ Your Answer : It is often believed that we can learn leadership, so everyone can be a leader. However, contrary to this idea, I firmly believe that leadership comes naturally, so only certain people that are chosen can become a leader. This is because it is impossible to improve the character of the leader and being the a leader cannot be determined by the effort. >space
To begin with, enhancing the leadership skills is not possible. The leadership skills such as organizing opinions, listening to people and guiding them just comes naturally. It means that unfortunately it is just the matter of talents. According to the study conducted by Korea university, the result of an academy teaching leadership skills is so terrible. The researchers said that only 2 percent of people studying in the academy became the a group's leader like CEO and politician. If the leadership skills can be learned in schools or academic places, the all the students attending going there should be the leader. However, in the reality, it is not the case. >space On top of that, a person can be the a leader, only when if he or she is recognized by everyone. Therefore, regardless of ambition of being a leader and effort, everyone's choices make the leader. So, it means that only special people can be the leader. For example, my friend - Hyun woo really wanted to be the soccer club's leader in the university. So he told stressed his positive advantages a lot to members, and even treated them us to delicious food like chicken and pizza. Unfortunately, we picked out the leader through the vote, so another my friend of mine who has abovementioned leadership skills became the leader. The friend did not make any do special efforts, but he was chosen with his inborn leadership. >space To sum up, leadership skills cannot be enhanced and being the a leader is not the thing that people achieve by efforts. In this regard, without and hesitation, I firmly suggest that only a few people with their instincts can become a leader.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 내용을 잘 구성해주셨어요. 더 구체적으로 표현할 수 있는 부분들 위주로 내용을 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문장에서 더 정확하게 표현할 수 있는 부분들이나 사례 내용이 주장과 관련해 어떤 함의를 갖고 있는지 등을 보완해서 논지를 강화할 수 있습니다. 다소 어려울 수 있는 주제인데 잘 풀어주셨어요. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |