▶ Your Answer : There
might be some people who believe that the best activity which a group of
university students could participate in is not exactly helping clean up parks
and other public areas. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for
two subsequent reasons. It makes members of the community to keep high quality of
life and feel better. (off topic입니다 이에세이의 주제는 세 가지 초이스중에 하나를 골라서 그 것에 대한 이유를 쓰는 에세이 입니다)
First,
a group of university students can assist to improve the community‘s life. Nowadays,
the environmental problems are very serious all over the world. If the students
participated in an activity which cleans up a lot of public areas, the places
would be cleaner than before. Moreover, many members of the community can
breathe fresh air. As a result, people have the best quality of life. Let me
bring my personal story as an example. When I was in university, I joined an
environmental voluntary club. At that time, our community’s air pollution was
very tragic and a plenty of people left the place. However, after cleaning the
publics by picking up many trash or planting various trees in the park, other
communities wanted to return to our areas and followed the activity to improve
their life.
Second,
cleaning up public areas is the most effective for the community and it helps
people to feel better. The other options are limited in specific groups, the
homeless and elementary students. However, cleaning up parks and other public
areas is good for any kinds of people since the public areas are shared by all
community. According to recent research done by The Korean environmental
institution, 80% of the respondents said that the best method to assist the
community is cleaning their public places. They added that if they do not have
access to the clean public places, it is very hard for them to live there. This
clearly shows the cleaning up parks and other public areas are best idea.
In
conclusion, cleaning public areas provide not only high quality of life, but
also have the people to feel better.
In
this regard, I believe that the best choice is helping clean up the public
spaces. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 인트로에서는 off topic을 보여줄 수 있는 부분이 있었습니다. 인트로를 시작 할 때 3가지 초이스가 있다 그 중에서 난 하나의 초이스를 할 거 다에 대한 말이 나와야할 거 같습니다. 비록 바디에서는 토픽에 맞게 에세이를 서술하셨지만 인트로에서 off topic느낌이 났기 때문에 점수가 많이 감점 된거 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다. |