▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that it is more realistic to ask other people for advice to solve one’s own problems. However, I think that using one’s own knowledge and experience is more efficient. There are two reasons why to support this assertion. First of all, today’s society is completely different with from the society of in the past. That is, at in the past, there were was no useful media such as internet or journal, magazine. The only way to find a resolution was asking companions for advice or just reading a book hoping to find some clues. But due to the development of technology, people in contemporary society can easily accumulate their own knowledge and background. Furthermore, if people want to broaden their experience, they can do just web searching. when you want to solve your personal problem such as how to write a thesis, you can find the ways in school communities or google. Here is a direct example. There was a survey that was conducted by Seoul National University in 2016. The researchers asked 200 university students about the way they solved the problems such as finding information and formula while writing on essay, thesis. About 87% of the students replied that they usually use internet or their own knowledge. This results shows that people do not tend to ask the other people for advice nowadays. On the top of that, the very one that knows one’s own problem exactly is just that one, not others. Suppose that you are not only in worry about your career but also in economic burden. Some close friends or parents might know your problems generally. But can they know the every factors that makes you sorrowful? The answer might be know no. I experienced this situation when I was senior in the university. I want to go to graduate school and major in sports management. But I was not sure where I should study. And also, I was not sure about my capacity of studying. I asked parents and professors for advice. In fact, they gave much information which meant that I should get master’s degree at my school. But I contemplated over and over, and I decided to prepare for studying at the USA. This is because I want to study the sports which is flourishing in formidable, huge states, not my parents or professors. Also considering my characteristic, going abroad is the best way for me. My decision was made by my own contemplation, (예시에 대한 문법이 많이 이상합니다 뭘 뜻하려는지 에대한 설명이 필요할 거 같습니다) To sum up, people should consider find the resolution on their own as the first priority. Even if there are several risks which is generated by one’s own decision, the advantages of own judgement overshadow the shortcomings. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 전반적으로 문법적으로 말이 안되는 부분이 있습니다. 이러한 부분 때문에 전체적인 에세이의 플로우를 방해합니다. 또한 불필요한 문장이 많습니다. 장황하게 에세이를 서술하시는 것 보다는 간결하게 에세이를 쓰시는 게 좋을 거 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다. |