▶ Your Answer :
Certainly, academic performance plays a
significant role in students’ daily lives where they study or play. Some people
say that grades serve as important motivators for student learning, while
others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If
I were asked to choose one, I would disagree to the statement that grades function as
crucial motivators for student learning. There are several reasons as follows. (good)
Above
all, students receiving grades tends to depress them and lose their willing to
learn (grades make students feel stressed and make them lose their willingness to learn). As modern society is becoming rapidly specialized and competitive, all
of the students put in a lot of effort to develop their skills. When students
get grades in this situation, it is likely to hamper them from having a
fulfilling experience (주제에 맞춰서 조금 더 구체적으로 서술해주세요). For instance, my sister used to do well in high school
where students did not get grades. She participated actively in class by asking
questions frequently, showed a long attention span and stronger passion in her
tasks. However, when she moved to a new school, where students had to take
exams every week and the results were shown on the board with their rankings,
she started to fall behind. Even though she spent every day studying for all
academic subjects, she got a bad score compared to other classmates on her
weekly test, and thus she was discouraged. Moreover, she was afraid of asking
questions in class because she thought that her classmates will make fun of her saying that her questions were not important. Therefore, she often felt depressed and got
distracted easily, disabling her from moving forward as she used to do at her
previous high school.
All
things considered, the disadvantage of giving grades to students far outweigh
the advantages. All in all, the importance of students’ happiness cannot be overestimated
in the pursuit of success in life.
Score: 23 Comments: - 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다. - 예시 설명이 굉장히 잘 되어있습니다. - 토픽 센텐스를 잘 정리해서 조금 더 명확하게 써주시면 좋겠습니다.
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