▶ Your Answer :
Entering this twenty first century (아주 살짝 어색한 표현입니다, The twenty first century로 해주세요) and the improvement of education have brought a substantial number of great changes which have brought diverse views and thoughts even on one particular perspective (해석이 어렵습니다, even on one small topic?). As how the trend of the society is (조금 더 명확하게 설명해주세요), the majority of people would vote for the statement which asserts that having the ability to plan and organize is not essential for young people. However, contrary to the popular opinion, I strongly believe that the ability to plan and organize is very important for young people in modern life. The rationale behind this is that the ability could save time. What is more, the ability can make people more successful.
Saving time is one of the most important reasons why I think the ability to plan and organize is essential for young people. Nowadays, as the society improves and becomes more and more complicated, it requires people to do a lot of things and acquire as much knowledge in limited time. Hence, saving time could be said as the priority, because time is gold for them to do other things. If young people have the ability to plan and organize, they could learn how to allocate many works their tasks in order. Therefore, they will be able to complete their work more efficiently when they enter the real world, so they could save time and invest the time on a wiser choice other things such as developing themselves self-development and by learning other languages. However, it if young people have no ability to plan and organize, it will take too a long time to complete the task.
Moreover, the ability to plan and organize helps young people to have higher possibility to achieve success. Nowadays, many parts of a work are replaced by machines. For example, computers are used to analyze thousands of data. In this circumstance Therefore, people nowadays are required to do more complex and creative work. If young people have the ability to plan and organize, they have more chance to solve complex problems by creative ways, because the ability helps people to understand and comprehend the problem. In the end, they could will be able to achieve success in their company as they have competitiveness. For example, by an article I have read in the in an interview with the Time Magazine, the famous CEO of Sony Company interviewed answered that he thinks the employees' ability of planning and organizing of the employee makes his company competitive in this century.
In conclusion, without the slightest hesitation, I ardently believe that it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize in this modern life. This is due to the fact that they could save time and become more successful.
Score: 21 Comments: - 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다. - 해석이 어려운, 어색한 표현들이 조금 있습니다. - 대체로 제시하신 이유가 적절하고 설명이 잘 되어있습니다. - 다만, 본론2에서는 ability to plan and organize가 어떻게 creativity와 관련이 있는지 그 연결 고리를 설명해주셔야 합니다.
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