▶ Your Answer : 27 / 358
To succeed in life, hardworking is an
important factor. However, Luck is a big part of success. Also, I have two
experiences how luck plays an influential role in my life. Thus, I disagree
with the quotation. 뭔가 인트로 개연성에 있어서는 적절하지 않습니다. 좀 더 인트로에 알맞게 에세이를 서술하시는 것이 좋을 거 같아요.
First of all, there are some people who achieved
a lot of good results without hardworking. I cannot say that it is a good way
to succeed in our life, however, we should admit that all the people are said
to go different routes all people follow different routes. Although I had many job interviews a few years ago, I
could not get any of them. I tried hard, so I had better careers than the average.
On the contrary to my case, my friend who did not prepare anything got the job
in one fell swoop. Job interview is proceeded in a face to face conversation,
hence luck for the whole situation. Despite my efforts, a result can be turned
on its head by a trivial issue. For this reason, a success cannot be achieved
only by hardworking.
Second, sometimes hardworking has nothing
to do with success in life. A couple of years ago, I lived in Uganda. When I first
arrived there, I was scared because I had heard many incidents from job
training before departing. Thus, I wanted to make sure whether my accommodation
is safe or not. Also, a central city of
Uganda was very expensive, so every time I visited to see houses, I had to
negotiate with the owner to lower the price. My colleague told me that he had
gone through hardship to find his accommodation due to its price and security. He
had checked almost 20 places to decide. Fortunately, I could find my place on
the first try. Although the place was very safe because it was located at main
street, price was very expensive. I still did not know why the negotiation with
the owner went smoothly. He offered me a 500 USD discounted price.
In conclusion, being luck has something to
do with success in life because life is not run only by me. Besides
hardworking, we have to consider every situation related to people. Good:24~30 점수: 26 이 독립형 에세이에서 가장 좋은 부분은 명확하게 본인의 의견을 전달하고 있습니다. 왜 열심히 노력하는 것 보다는 운이 더 좋은 지를 구체적인 설명과 이유들로 잘 서술하고 있습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 본인의 에세이를 통하여서 상대방을 설득 할 수 있냐 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 면에 있어서 아주 간졀하게 잘 서술되어 있는 거 같습니다. 각각의 바디의 예시나 설명들이 이유를 잘 서포트 하고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |