▶ Your Answer : Some people might think that they do not have to give some attention to events occurring in other countries. However, I personally think that we have to take care of their culture and events for several reasons. First, having an attention to others' culture can bring reciprocal helps, eventually. Second, we can learn their own spirit and traditional attributes to respect them.
First, the increasing of awareness for other cultures can bring great effect on both countries. It can lead to growing their development of many kinds of. There was the a thesis about culture's similarity of two countries which nearby and their mutual understanding.(문장이 해석이 안되네요) It was conducted by Asian major in University and this was projected to find the irrigation of both countries' according to how much they know each other. Result of this report was that there were so many advantages of knowing each other because the relationship of them were fairly well constructed. The good relationship of them lead to their trade, eventually it affected their economies, a myriad of positive things, either. (run-on-sentence입니다) Thus, we can infer awareness of each other's culture or events are good to develop other factors.
Secondly, we know about other cultures and it helps us to be careful. If we do not know about other tradition, we can get in a significant trouble or hurt other's mind. For example, last month, I traveled to Malaysia, and it was astonished astonishing that there few people in cities. Kuala Lumpur, where which is known that to be a very big and busy city was not that noisy. Also, there were no traffic-jam which I expected. It was peaceful travel, and I was very satisfied with it. I shopped a lot and ate many foods on street. Later, I knew that people of that city has had a hard time because of the to having a Ramadan period, which do not have food on day time. I was very embarrassed that I knew the fact about Ramadan later, and felt so sorry for them about my behaviors. It was no good attitude at all, which eating or talking in streets. Had it not been for knowing about city until I back, I would not have been to get a right mind.(어감이 어색하네요)
To sum up, I think to having interests about other cultures or traditional region is good for everyone because it can bring positive effects on my country, and we can learn about their traditional case. In this regard, I think people should have to take care of other countries.
예상점수: 17-21 총평: 글에 일단 fluency문제가 많고 어감이 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 문법적인 오류도 많이 존재합니다. 글의 내용이나 구성, 구조 모두 적절하게 잘 제시해주셨습니다. 글을 쓰실때 항상 다시 읽어보시면서 내용이 조금 더 명확하게 보일수 있도록 하는 연습을 하시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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