▶ Your Answer : There is currently a debate
about whether students with tidy rooms achieve greater success or those with
messy ones have better success. The answer to this question can greatly vary
depending on individual's perspectives. However, after pondering upon the idea
from several viewpoints, I am of the idea the students with organized rooms
could achieve more than whom live in cluttered environment. To start the
argument, an orderly environment helps a person focus well on the task at hand.
Many consider that messy rooms often make them feel relaxed. However, it is
undeniable that when a room is well-organized, then there is nothing to
distract from the work. To support my view, according to a recent study
conducted at a prominent psychology journal, it revealed that the environment
could affect one's ability to focus. The researcher monitored that how the
brain responded in several participants who were asked to complete the
assignment in an organized rooms and disorganized rooms, and then compared the
outcomes. The result shows that participants who did the work in tidy rooms
have better ability to focus on rather compared to when the got the result when they than got the same assignment in messy
rooms. The researcher concluded his study by saying that people can concentrate
more on their works when the surroundings are kept clean. On top of that,
students would be able to spend their time productively when their rooms are
kept tidy. Many people agree that when items are well organized, then people
can easily find what they are looking for. Due to these reasons they can save
time and energy before studying. My experience could be an example. I always
tried to keep my room clean. One day, my science teacher gave us a surprising
test for the next day. Because my room was in order, I could directly find what
I had to read and focus on studying,and of course, I got a good grade on the test.
However, my roommate Joe did not keep her space clean, so she spent an hour to
find reading materials. Eventually, she started studying an hour later than me,and
as a result, she could not get a grade as good as that she expected. This shows
that keeping room clean can help students to spend their time productively and
that led them to achieve greater success.
In common purpose, there is no doubt that
keeping rooms well organized is important for student's better achievement
because they can concentrate on their work and it makes people use their time
effectively. Opinions may differ from people to people but what does not change
is that this topic is something needs to be addressed.
예상점수: 21-24 총평: 문법적으로 run-on-sentence가 너무 많습니다. 글을 쓰실때 조금 주의하시면서 써주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 전체적으로 내용도 훌륭하지만 예시들이 조금 더 specific하고 구체적이면 좋을 것 같아요. 현재 주어진 예시들은 너무 단조롭고 현실성이 부족한 느낌이 듭니다. 실제 시험을 보실때 꼭 글을 한번씩 다시 읽어보시면서 문법적인 오류를 점검해보세요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |