▶ Your Answer :
With the society
becoming more sophisticated than ever before, people ingenuously generated more
various mechanics to entertain themselves. Due to this phenomenon, some might contend
that young people relish life more in counterproductive ways. Whether or not this
is true, in my opinion, young people enjoy life more than older people for the
following two main reasons.
To begin with, the access
to the internet has facilitated communication among people more effortlessly
than ever before, and this has cultivated an environment conducive to more
entertainments than those in the past. Back then, there was no such thing like
the internet. So, the information dissemination was extremely sluggish. To
illustrate, even though playing basketball was pervasive in the U.S.A. as a type
of sports entertainment, it took more than 10 years for Korea to adopt
basketball as a sport. However, with the availability of the internet soaring,
many trends from one country could be adopted quickly in the another
country. For instance, extreme sports, which originated in France, became a hit
in Korea just several days after it was first introduced. By virtue of the power
of the internet, now young people can relish their life with a new
entertainment. Therefore, I firmly believe that the internet has fostered the
environment conducive to more diversified entertainments, and now there are
more available and shareable entertainments for young people to enjoy compared to
those in the past.
On top of that, older
generation’s sacrifices and onerous (어휘 선택이 잘못된 것 같습니다 Honorable?) workloads and efforts at workplace in the
past has made younger generation reshape their thoughts. Without the benefits
of technologies, people in the past had to work more strenuously and diligently
by hand. Without their sacrifices on their health and leisure time, they could not
have supported their children and spouse. In contrast, owing to advanced and
state of the art technologies and facilities such as agriculture massive
production facilities, younger generation does not necessarily have to work
harder than before. Now, they are looking for more ways to put their extra
energy into. Furthermore, observing their parents’ sacrifice on health and
their downtime, young people now have been enlightened that the quality of life
takes precedence over arduous work and sacrifices. With the abundance in food
and resources and their reshaped mindsets, I contend that it made young people
enjoy their life more than older people do.
For these reasons, I believe young people enjoy life
more than older people do in the past.
예상점수: 24-27 총평: 글의 구조에서 일단 결론이 너무 빈약합니다. 결론을 잘 주셔야 글이 마무리와 임팩트가 남아요. 두번쨰로 어휘를 선택하실때 복잡하고 고급인 것을 사용해주신 것은 좋은데, 뜻과 상황을 조금 더 명확하게 파악하셔서 사용하셔야 할 것 같아요. 나머지 내용이나 예시는 모두 적절했습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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