▶ Your Answer : A large number of people might think that the government should invest improving public transportation rather than developing medical technologies. If they improve transportation, they can get many benefits a lot of beneficial things. Many people can save time and can lead to a convenient life. However, I think different with others thinking that because improve improving medical technologies is a much more important factor for in a national level. Medical things technologies interact with civil life life of civil. I will give you a several reasons why I amply support that why am I choose medical development. First, If the government invests on improving medical technologies, innovative treatment could be used to cure diseases. Furthermore our government also invest a lot of money for developing medical technologies.(문장이 개연성이 부족합니다) There is A university in Korea name is called A-ju. This university is famous for medical research so the government invested a large amount of money to this university research. Then last year, they found technology to detect stomach cancer at a much earlier stage. Most common cancer in Korea is stomach cancer, Following that, this technology will improve a myriad of people's life. On top of that, developing medical technologies contribute to the country's economy development. Recently, Interest with medical technologies are rising getting rise. Accordingly, If we got improved improve medical competitiveness competitive, we will attracts foreign patients and investors. For example, India is one of the famous country for medical service industry so that and they earn more than billion dollars a year. I engaged in the medical field for more than 4 years. this is because I can surly surely say that there has a wide prospect and promising market in this field. For those reasons, I strongly believe that government invests investments on improving medical technologies has much more beneficial thinks than just invest developing public transportation. As a result, I strongly believe that government should invest improving medical technologies rather than developing public transportation.
예상점수: 14-17 총평: 결론이 조금 더 설명이 필요한 것 같습니다. 글 전체적으로도 fluency와 문법적인 문제가 많아요. 조금 더 직접적인 표현과 동사의 사용이 필요할 것 같습니다. 내용도 조금 더 구체적이고 개연성을 보고 쓰시면 좋을 것 같아요. 예시는 모두 적절하고 이유도 적절했던 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다.
|