Some people take it for granted that children should not be allowed to play computer games because it is a waste of time. However, contrary to this idea in contrast to this idea, I think that playing computer games has several benefits for children. The compelling logic behind this is that children can relieve their stress, learn how to cooperate with others, and how to observe the rules.
To begin with, playing computer games plays an important role in relieving stress. Children can get stressed because of the relationship with friends or studying, so they need something to help to relieve their stress. Computer games are a good way to alleviate the stress because it is easy to concentrate, it can escape them from the real world, and children can do it without any concerns. Thus, computer games are great for children to relieve their stress.
Moreover, children can learn how to cooperate with others by playing computer games. Children should know how to work with other people because when they go to college or work, they should do the number of works with other people. Through playing computer games as a team, children can have experiences to meet diverse types of people and work with them in various positions. Teamwork and cooperation are important, as well as the abilities of individual players when playing games as a team. Therefore, it is a good way to learn how to work with other people by playing computer games.
Last but not least, children can learn how to obey the rules by playing computer games. Our society is controlled by several rules, so it is important to learn the way of observing the rules. When children play games, they have to follow the rules of the games. If they do not obey the rules, games usually do not go well. By playing games, it is possible for children to easily learn the necessity of following the rules.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that playing computer games has many advantages for children. The reason is that it relieves their stress and allows them to learn how to work with others and follow the rules.
Good: 24~30
점수: 24
일단 전체적인 에세이가 장황합니다. 세 개의 이유를 서술하는 것은 장황하다고 생각합니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 적합한 이유의 갯수는 두 개입니다. 두 개인 이유는 간결하게 본인의 의견을 말할 수 있기 때문입니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이에서 보앗듯이 너무 장황합니다. 세 개의 이유를 서술하는 것 보다는 두 개의 단락을 서술하는 것을 추천합니다. 수고많으셨습니다.