▶ Your Answer : An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether these days, parents have greater level of involvement in the education of their children than before or not. It may seem true that parents do not worry about their children’s education than before; however, with in-depth analysis the statement seems rather too far-fetched. Although people may hold different ideas and opinions, I personally support that it is true that parents have greater level of involvement in the education of their children than before on account two following reasons. for the following two subsequent reasons. First of all, parents have used more than 50% of their earning for their children’s education. To be specific, theses days, children have to attend private education, which their parent have planed to get better grades, after their public schools. For example, I have never seen that children are in their home after school because they have to go Piano Academy and Takundo Academy and English Academy that their parents have planed for their children’s succession. I never had heard these kinds of flows regarding their children’s education at before. (좀 더 구체적으로 설명을 하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다) On too of that, children should be controlled by their mothers concerning their education form beginning elementary school to finishing their high school education. If some students get worse grade than last semester from their school. their parents begin to hurry up for observing to observe problems of their children’s grades. As we know, our grandmothers did not get involved much in their children’s education like these days. A study recently conducted by National Institution of South Korea well aligns with this statement. Before 1990, parents let their children to play with their friends after school and play sports with their classmates because the parents cherished the significance of social interaction. This is the explanation of the difference between parents who live now and before. In a nutshell, although whether these days, parents have greater attention for the education of their children than before or nor is opened to interpretation, in my opinion, it is resonable to claim that this statement in the question because of two reasons in this essay.
점수: 23 일단 이 에세이를 읽으면서 느낀 것은 전체적으로 설명 부분에 있어서 지금 이 에세이는 모호하다라는 것이 많이 느껴졌습니다. 모호하다는 것이 느겨진 가장 결정적인 이유는 각 단락들을 통해서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 어렵기 때문입니다. 이러한 부분이 나타나는 이유는 결정적으로 설명이 모호합니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 좀 더 구체적으로 자신의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |