> > 2009-06-18 11:22:39, '뉴욕커' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
|
Topic :It is better to live in one city or town tha more from one place to another | |
|
It is often said that living in a(one) city or town is better for people than moving from one place to another because it provides more comfortable(명사로) and stability.(토픽을 제대로
인트로에 state해 주세요) However, I believe that moving to many different places is beneficial for two reasons: people can reduce cultural prejudice and learn valuable traits for future career.
To begin with, one can broaden their(one's) view( as one can have opportunities to live in lots of different places) by living different places.(one 이랑 their랑 한 이렇게 두개 다르게 나오면 안되죠) It is obvious that being exposed to different cultures, diverse lifestyle, and customs enables people to embrace diffenrent people and cultures. Thus, one can make different friends with unique(various?) backgrounds, which contributes to reduce their one's prejudice. For example, when I was fifth grade, there was a Ethiopian girl in my class ans she brought her hoom-cooked meals for lunch. She ate it with her hands without using ustensile(이게무슨뜻이예요?^^:) and other students who had never seen such a thing kept their distance from her. On the other hand, I felt comfortable because I had visited Africa and experienced a such sistuation. 뭐 그래서 마지막에 이야기를 지어내든, 뭐 대충
그래서 난 그아이와 친하게 지낼수있었다. /다른 나라에서 살았던 경험이 뭐 다른 문화간의
벽을 허물고..뭐 ... 이렇게 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
In addition, living in many different places teaches people valuable things for future career. This is because values such as independence, reposibility, and apatability can be obtained from throwing oneself out of different places and cultures. In the modern society, job market wants to hire employees with a variety of experiences and qualities. According to the Ministry of Labor of Korea in 2007, job corporations’ preference has been changing: from prestigious school names to a wide range of experiences and broad perspective. Also, these factors took up more than 80 percent of empolyment qualification. This implies that employers believe that employees having different views and values can perform their work more productivitly.
In brief, living in many different places is more important than staying in one places because people can reduce their cultural prejudice and learn valuable traits for future career. All in all, moving around the world has positive impact on people to grow up themselves.
중간중간 그래머 미스테이크같은거 안하시면
좋은점수 받으실꺼예요^^
그런데 주어진 토픽이 한 도시에서 지내는거 아님 한도시에서다른도시로 이사가는거
(한나라안에서) 가 될수도있는건 아닌지...
에세이 전체가 다른나라로 가서 경험쌓는것만 언급을 해서..
국내에서 일어날 수 있는 예나 내용을 써주셨어도 좋았을텐데 하는 생각도 드네요.
굳렄. | |
챔프스터디 ID(입력시 Writing첨삭 50% 할인 쿠폰 제공) :