> > 2009-06-19 00:20:36, 'hy' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic :
Being a leader is better than being a follower. | |
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(서론 괜찮으신데요 시작이 너무 갑작스럽게 전개되는 느낌이 있어요.... 머 그냥 간단하게라도 leader와 follower와의 관계정도 쓰시면 더욱 좋았을텐데요...)It is often said that being a leader is not always better than being a follower because it is difficult and stressful to care for everyone with the responsibility. However, I strongly believe that the experience of being a leader encourages people to be mature in two ways: people will learn the sense of responsibility and the importance of respect for others by being a leader.
To begin with, being a leader is beneficial for people since it helps them to be responsible. It is obvious that people do not take care of matters when they just follow others without any responsibility. On the other hand, being a leader allows people to consider their tasks seriously and try to finish their work perfectly, leading to the development of sense of responsibility. According to the Ministry of Education of Korea in 2007, people who were a leader of class during their school days showed higher accomplishment in their future career. This implies that the experience of taking responsibility and managing others has improved one’s ability to pursue their goals with strong determination. (굳굳~~ 와 글 잘쓰시네요..)
In addition, people who lead others can learn how to respect and control the differences between conflicting values. Since every person has one’s own point of view, being an effective leader requires the ability not only to respect various opinions, but also to control different ideas. Thus, it is through the experience of being a leader for people to grow up and expand their outlook. For example, when I assumed a leader of group project in art history class, there were a lot of different opinions about the theme, the methods to research and present, as well as the distribution of work between team members. As the leader of my group, I had to listen to everyone’s ideas and orchestrate them. It was a difficult task, however, I was able to find myself improved a lot (in terms of~ 넣고 respect를 paraphrasing 해서 넣으시면 좀 더 구체적일것 같아요....) since(thanks to 정도가 적당할듯 해요) the experience of being a leader.
In brief, being a leader plays a significant role in shaping one’s personality because the experience allows people to be responsible and respect others. All in all, we need to remember the fact that it is better to develop one’s ability to lead others, instead of too much worrying about the difficulty of being a leader.
훌륭하십니다... ㅎ
첨삭하러 왔는데 배우고 가는 느낌이네요...
결론이나 서론에서 참신함을 좀만 돋보이시면 (머 속담같은것을 끼어 넣는다거나 해서;;)
정말 괜찮은 성적나오실것 같네요. ㅎㅎ
저랑 라이팅 실력을 비등하신것 같은데 정보 나누시고 싶으시면
댓글로 이메일 알려주세요~
저는 thdgnsrl5018@naver.com 입니다. ㅎ
좋은하루 보내시고 열공하세요~
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문법이나 표현에서 이상한 것들 고쳐주세요~
논리 전개는 적절한지 봐 주시면 더욱 좋겠습니다^^
미리 감사드려요!