Opinions might be divided over whether it is easier to succeed in the past than when?. (그리고, 이렇게 주제에서 주어진 문장을 그대로 쓰는듯한 문장은 안써주셔도 괜찮습니다.) Personally, I believe that today people today more succeed succeed more than those from the past. (easier or not? 에 대한 설주장을 써주세요~!) First of all, there are many opportunities for people to learn. (과거보다 오늘날 더 많은 opportunity 가 있다. 라고 표현하는것이 좋을것같아요^^) Moreover, they have the chance to people develop stronger social networks in many educational institutions than do they did in the past.
(주장과 이유에서 ""과거"" 와 ""현재"" 를 확실히 비교하면서 써주세요~!)
To begin with, a number of (numerous) chances to learn allow people to succeed at ease. In the past, there are not a lot of educational facilities. So, people (who wanted to improve their knowledge) (OR not many people could learn in the past) could not learn and it was difficult to succeed in fields of studies. which they studied. In contrast, today, many educational institutions like public schools and private schools are emerging and can be increasing (are emerging, and (are) increasing 이죠!) opportunities which people can learn. (구체적으로 어떤 opportunity? school system 도 ""어떤식으로"" 달라졌으며... 이런식으로!! ) Therefore, in this atmosphere, educated people can succeed more than the past. According to a research by (the) Korea Times, the number of current numerous high schools has have more tripled than that of the 1980’s (OR just eighties). More surprising was the finding that the number coincides with the increase in number of highly educated people for the same period of time.
(학교나, 교육 system 이 더 나아져서 easier to succeed in ~ 이다. 라는 주장이 좋은것 같습니다^^!
문장은 절대 so, And, but 등으로 시작하지 않는다는것 기억해두시구요!^^)
On top of that, modern people can broaden their human networks in order to succeed for their future. (wider 한 horizon이 makes it easier for people to ~ ) They have entered (who has ~ed?) many educational facilities in their lives and met a lot of others (met a lot of people OR met others~) who will become their assistants while attending many schools. So, it enables them to enhance their social relationship, which will help in their future job. (which will be helpful when finding jobs in the future.) The New York Times showed that more than 80 (eighty - 짧고 간단하게 쓸수있는 숫자는 글로 써주세요~!) percent of the surveyed responded that they are inclined to prefer alumni who went to the same school when they were working in their companies. when hiring new employees?! Therefore, (in their companies), existence of alumni is advantageous in people’s success. (그래서 결국 주장이 뭔지?!!)
(widen horizon 하고 socially developed 한 것이 being successful하는데에 어떻게 도움이 되는지 설명하지 마시고, 이것이 past와 present 중 뭐가 더 successful 하는것이 쉬운지 에 대해서 써주세요^^.
오늘날의 사람들이 ""어떻게"" 사람들을 더 많이 알며, 예전에는 어땠는데 요즘엔 어떤지..?
짧게 말해, "인맥이 넓다" 라는 factor 가 어떻게 past 와 present 의 success 가 easier or not? 을 설명할수 있는지..!!^^)
All in all, because of the reasons I mentioned above, I firmly think that in modern society, it is more possible for people to succeed than the past.
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