The purpose of television should be educational, not entertainment. -Disagree
Some people say that the purpose of television concentrates more on educational function rather than entertainment one. However, I disagree with their view because of the following two important reasons. First of all, many people need some entertainment sources by watching TV. In addition, television has various limits to be used as educational effects.
To begin with, since a lot of today’s people enjoy watching TV as their entertainment sources by watching, television should not just focus on its educational purpose. In these days, since many people spend their time studying and working, they sometimes need to have some refreshing time to relieve stress from too much work such as through watching TV. In this needs(약간 어색한 단어같아요 대신 In order to meet this demand (or need) of people 하면 어떨까요?), a lot of funny and interesting TV programs can be good means for today’s hectic people. Take my case as an example. After my busy schedule as a military officer, I usually watch TV program such as various sports events and talk shows. What’s more, according to a study has (has를 지웁시당^^for grammatical error)released by media research group, only five percent of all TV viewers have used online education programs with TV.(약간 문제가 있는 부분같습니다. Enjoy watching tv함으로 사람들이 entertain 할수있다는 근거에 확실하고 정확한 예시가 부족합니다. 이말을하는것은 또다른 논제를 님이 가져온겁니다. 물론 관련있겠지만은 online course는 두번째이유에서 언급하면 어떨까요? 님이 이 말을 밑에서 하신지 안하신지 아직 밑에 안읽어봐서 모르것지만 Tv는 limited하니깐 internet을 애들이 많이 수강하므로 waste of broadcasting company 왜냐면 어차피 아이들은 잘안볼거고 시청률이 낮으니깐) In this regard, given the point which most people watch TV in order to take rest and enjoy, entertainment purpose of television should not be underestimated.
Moreover, televised educational programs have many drawbacks to deliver appropriate or wide range of academic knowledge and information. Some can say that TV can be a beneficial source to teach lots of academic knowledge due to its various useful functions such as audio-visual effects. However, besides these functions, there are many shortcomings that discourage people from concentrating on what they learn through television. For example, I used to watch live tutoring program to cover some information which I could not figure out in class. However, I could not entirely focus on the programs because of the many distractions just a flip away.(무슨 distraction 인지 언급해주어야 합니다. 강사가 너무 말을 잘못한다거나 그래서 tv로 잘 음성이 전달안되고 tv볼 때 막 지지직 기계자체에서 소리나고 뭐 tv보는데 옆에 사람들이 뭐 떠들거나 그런다…이런내용을요) What’s worse, occasional advertisement in the middle of each program made me be interrupted(아죄성해욤 여기서 advertisement를 distraction 의 자세한 설명으로 언급해주신거구나.헌데 그리고 제가 말한 좀더 details정보를 더 넣어주면 어떨까요? from what I want to learn through the tutoring programs. After all, I lost my motivation to learn more from watching programs. As this illustrates, watching TV as an educational purpose can not be promoted among students.
All in all, function of television should(문제를 잘보세용 뭐를 should 해야되나 아니면 일반사실로 뭐를 한다. 이냐 항상 두가지 type 이 토픽으로 주어지면 그에 맞게 써봅시당^^ 예를들면
Television has educational purpose, not entertainment purpose
이랑
The purpose of TV should be educational, not entertainment랑은 다른거잖아요^^)
not be restricted to educational objects. This is because many today’s people spend their relaxing time while watching TV and it has many limits in teaching academic knowledge to people, especially for students. For these reason, we need to note that television has much more desirable function besides its educational purposes.
전체적으로 너무나 잘쓰신거 같고 조금만 다듬으시면 좋은 만점받으실거라 믿어용 파이팅