I prefer to invite a lot of people when I have events to celebrate (open a party) for the following two reasons. Firstly, I have more chances to meet diverse people and widen my horizon. (둘중 하나만 써도 괜찮을것 같아요) Secondly, spending time with many people is more exciting. excited.
Most of all, if I invite a lot of people to events, I can meet various people and maintain relationships with them. In these days, I am driven and bound by (이것도 둘중 하나만!) hectic schedules. Thus, I spare little time to interact with others. (앞 문장에 합쳐서 쓰면 좋을것같네요. 두 문장모두 짧고 간단하니까.) (Considering the fact that,) in order to succeed in life, communication skill is a must, I have to put (앞에 두 부분은 콤마로 이어줄수 있지만, 세번째 - I have to ~ 앞에는 콤마를 쓰면 말이 안되니, 뒤에 therefore 써주세요^^) considerable efforts to meet diverse people. In this sense, an anniversary is an opportunity to meet many people. According to a study recently conducted by the Korea Statics Bureau, most of the surveyed CEOs mentioned that the key to their success was the wide network. They also indicated that they utilized their special events as an opportunity to meet a lot of people. Actually, they could meet various clients with their coworkers' help. (이 부분은 그냥 example쪽으로 쓰는게 더 좋을것같네요^^) In this sense, I like to invite a lot of people to my special days.
(예제를.. 이런 study 보다는.. 자기 경험이나 어떤 사례로 드는것이 가장 좋을것같아요. 예를들어, 고등학교나 대학 처음 들어갈때, 새 학교라서 아는사람이 많이 없었는데, 파티에서 여러 사람들과 만나게 되었다. 학교 시작하기 전에도 많은 사람들을 사귀게 되었고, 내 성격도 더 outgoing 하게 되었다.. 이런식으로 자기 경험이 가장 직접적이고 convincing하니까 되도록이면 study나 survey 는 .... 구체적이지 않은 예제일 경우에는 쓰지 않는게 더 좋습니다^^!)
Furthermore, when I spend time with a lot of people, I feel more excited. Some people might argue that, when they are with little people, with few people, they can have enjoy entertaining time, because they have deep conversations (personal conversation) with them. However, I prefer to enjoy activities, which many people can participate in, such as board games and sports activities. Therefore, I prefer to invite diverse people as much as I can. For example, last week, I held my birth day (띄어쓰기 없습니다) party. I invited a lot of class mates. (앞 문장에 같이 써주세요~!) Since I had various kinds of board games, we played board games as a team. While spending time and laughing together, we could escape from daily hard busy daily life. Additionally, it makes made (과거의 경험!) our relationship stronger. In this context, i would like to spend my special events with a lot of people.
To sum up, I want to invite a lot of people when I have a special event, (콤마 잊지 마세요!) because it is an opportunity to widen my horizon. Additionally, I like entertainment, which I can enjoy as a team like board games. |