Advertisements are the waste of a company’s time and money.
Many companies spend time and money on advertising their goods in order to attract customers’ attention. (Many companies invest time and money into advertising to attract...) Some people might say that it would be a waste(wasting) for companies to concentrate on advertisements because of possibilities that they do not work.( Some people might argue that paying too much
attention to advertising could disadvantage companies, wasting labor,time and money..... however... in my opinion~ blabla..)
-인트로는 간단하게, 앞으로 바디에서 말할 내용을 간략히 적어주세요, However, in my point of view, time and money that companies spend on advertisements is are certainly valuable in the aspect of returning profits. In this essay, I will clearly show and develop two reasons to support my idea.
To begin with, time and money for advertisements have companies’ internal economic benefits in terms of promoting market demand effectively. (주어가 사람이나 컴페니 이런거일때는
앞에서부터 써서 문장을 시작하는게 나아요..)>> companies can benefit internally from advertisements as they promote market demand effectively... It seems that companies waste huge amount of money and time in advertising some goods. However, advertisements made by lots of money and time can generate customers’ favor more efficiently.(however, advertisements can help companies to satisfy customers' favor and taste more efficiently) Advertising specific products is an effective way to persuade customers to demand. The more advertisements spread, the more people purchase products.(the more possibility people can have contact with those products, leading to purchase) To disperse and engrave products’ information into customers, it is definitely necessary for companies to spend time and money on advertisements. to make consumers familiar
with products ,increasing the possibility to make more profits.) These companies’ efforts can finally bring large profits.
In addition, time and money spent on advertisements help society to have external economic advantages by promoting financial circulation.(advertisements can create external economical advantages as they promote financial circulation in a society.) As companies spend much money and time on advertisements, other companies related with the advertisements can economically be affected in a same industry. Since advertisement industry is very popular, economic effect would be huge. For example, whenever a company prepares special advertisements invested lots of money and time, professional advertisement company about can obtain commission, good chance to work.>일할수있는 좋은 기회말인가요? The professional company would need more people and offer many jobs. (the professional company need to hire more employees, creating more employments...)As increasing number of jobs people can get opportunity to work.(the higher rate of employment can promise people to get more opportunity to work..) Since the people who can work can purchase many products, the first company’s amount of sales would enhance. (then, increased employment rate cause increase in demand.....)This positive economic effect can spread over other industries. Thus, company’s time and money on advertisements is not a waste at all.
To summarize, I strongly believe that it is desirable for companies to spend time and money in order to gain profits. Companies do not avoid advertising cost to create better advertisement. Therefore, people cannot regard time and money for ads as just waste.
헥헥
거의 다 고쳤는데, 어디 갔다왔드니
컴터가 다시 재부팅해서
다시 고친거 아시나요 ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
뭐 그리 오래걸린건 아니니까;;ㅋㅋㅋㅋ (다른 에세이들에 비하면 오래걸린게 맞긴 맞네요;;;)
하여튼! back to d point!
문장들이 어색하구 어순이 좀 뒤죽박죽인거 같군요,,
우선 제가 더 괜찮을것같은 문장들은 가로로 옆에 대충 써놨구요,
제가 써논문장들과 님이 쓰신 문장을 비교해보시고, 뭐가 다른지 한번 체크해보시구요,
단어나 그런건 좋은데, 문장 순서나열하는게 좀 부족하시네요;
하튼 굳럭입니다.