대중매체가 unbiased information 을 제공 하나 안하나??? 20점대 후반되고싶어요...
As our world developed, people gradually perceived how important information is. Consequently, the importance of news media has been emphasized. Some people are claming that the news media is a reliable source of unbiased information. However, I am very against of this idea because news media are is usually related to various stakeholders in various fields and it tends to make articles look more colorful and dramatic.
To begin with, news media is strongly related to some kinds of people who want to exploit news. Many big companies or political groups know that news media plays an important role in forming public opinion. Thus, they try to control the flow and contents of articles. To be specific, they distort negative information of them and create some deceitful information indicating the positive view of them.(정말로 specific하게 말할려면, they,them..이뭔지 헷갈리지않게, 뭔지
specify again해주는것도 괜찮겟죠^^) For instance, two years ago, a previous editor of famous news company who was retired from it (it을 안쓰고, a previous editor who was retired from a famous news company) revealed the situation of the information. He stated that many influential politicians give gave him calls demanding of deleting the bad rumor or information about them. They even intimidated him saying that or else he can be fired.
Furthermore, news media manipulates the contents of the true stories in order to make it sensational. News media is also a company that aims for making money. In order to do that, they should let many people pay attention to them, and making sensational stories is the best way for them to achieve their goal.( =news media makes sensational stories which grab readers' attention to make profits) In this process, true facts are distorted or exaggerated to attract people’s attention. For example, there was a dreadful suicide of a famous actor of
In a nutshell, I do not believe that the news media is a reliable source of indifferent information because they are sometimes controlled by certain stakeholders, and news media usually attempts to make sensational information to make profits. However, banning news media is not a practical method of solving the problem. Thus, the only thing we can immediately do is (we should) distinguish the true story from a bunch of information and try to make those companies be aware of the degree of this massive problem.
문장에 쓸데없거나, 너무 많이 들어간, them, the, it..들이 많은것같아요..
너무 많으면 뭐가뭔지 헷갈리고, 문장만 정신없어지니까 정리해주시구요 ^^
조그만 실수 하시지 마시고 ^^
좀만 고치면 20점 후반은 거뜬히 하실수 있을것 같은데요 ^^
다른 단어나 그래머 다 좋으세요 ^^