▶ Your Answer : Historically, there have been numerous attempts to gain people's freedom. With this background, some people might think that whether the government or individuals, infringing upon human's freedom is never appropriate. However, in my opinion, in some special cases, doing so is acceptable because of circumstances of the society, the government, and even individuals such action is acceptable for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, there would be things that are considered to be negative, but not regulated in law certain rules are considered negative but not enacted as a law. Actually, the behaviors that do not result in certain punishment behaviors along with no punishment do not necessarily mean that they are acceptable acts. For example, approximately twenty years ago, when the Internet was invented, there was no regulation about accidents at online because the government did not think about consequences of the Internet. Because of this, cyber criminals such as Internet hackers and deceivers could not be punished, and many people were affected did not get punished. With some special situations, there should be some infringement of freedom, regardless of law. Second, depending on the circumstances of the individuals individual circumstances, there are certainly things that should be infringed in terms of people's freedom. There are people who should be protected and restricted, such as students, infants, and so on. For example, when I was a high school student, I felt restricted in terms of everything, such as hanging out with my friends until late night, making boyfriends, etc. However, thinking that I was not an adult, and my parents had responsibilities for me and my future, I finally acknowledged that there are indeed things that should be infringed. 이 부분은 주제를 벗어 났습니다 정부가 사람들의 자유를 억압하는 것이 맞냐에 대한 에세이입니다 To summarize, although people's freedom is said to be important overall, I think there are exceptions to infringing the freedom. One of those could be situation-the law would not be enough for nice society, and there could be exceptions.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 명심하셔야 할 것이 이 에세이의 주제는 정부가 사람들의 자유를 억압하는 것이 맞냐 에 대한 에세이입니다. 하지만 에세이를 읽으면 읽을 수록 이런 것에 대한 에세이 보다는 그냥 일상속에서 나오는 문제들에 대한 에세이를 서술한 거 같습니다. 좀 더 주제를 주의있게 보면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍나다. 또한 문법적 오류들이 너무 많이 보입니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 확인 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |