▶ Your Answer :
As the importance of communication has been increased, some people think ability to work with other people is more critical than before. However, in my point of view, working alone became less important than it was before for two essential reasons. I personally believe working alone become less important for the following two subsequent reasons.
Firstly, working alone became more efficient than working with others comparable to the past in comparison to the past. This is because most of infrastructures and fundamental things such as search engines to find information and working tools are settled these days. According to ICT conference Seoul held on this April, most of human activities will be done by their own in some years due to increased ability of computer. As 80% of works could bxe done by computers, people will not feel the need of team works. Consequently, people can do almost everything by their own ability and using computers.
Secondly, as the percentage of working from home has increased contrary to the past in comparison to the past, being able to work with other people working with other people is not important than it was before has become less important. In 21st century, high proportions of jobs are related to working from home as the types of jobs increased. For example, if one researcher wants to work, he does not have to meet other people to work with. This is due to the fact that researcher can do the research by his own, and he does not need to go out then do the research at home.
As a consequence, while others think being able to work working with others is more important than it was before, I think being able to work with others is less important than the past according to the reasos I mentioned above.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 19 일단 이 에세이를 읽어가면서 느낀 것은 전반적으로 정리가 덜 되었다라는 느낌이 듭니다. 각 단락에서 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 지도 잘 이해가 되지 않고 자신의 본질적인 의견도 재대로 내포하지 않는 거 같습니다. 이러한 이유의 근본적인 원인은 문법적 오류인 거 같습니다. 각 문장마다 어법상 이상한 부분 때문에 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지 모르기 때문에 이러한 부분이 발생하는 거 같습니다. 따라서 제가 첨삭하는 것을 보고 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |