▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that professors with higher incomes can enhance the quality of education. However, in my opinion, I strongly believe that there is no correlation between higher salaries and the quality of education for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, higher salaries can make professors spend their money in personal purposes. To be specific, the more professors earn money, the more they have a tendency to buy products for them and consume private fields. (이유에 대한 구체적 설명을 하고 난 후에 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다) For example. there was a research conducted by Korea University to know the correlation between incomes of lecturers and the quality of education. What it found was astounding. The result was shown that there was no correlation between them as well as no improvement found shows that there was no correlation between income and quality. In this regard, it meaned higher salaries did not correspond to the improvement of the quality of education directly. higher salary does not lead to the better quality of the education
On top of that, the investment of facilities has more affirmative influences than paying for highrer salaries for professors. To explain, the better facilities can help students obtain higher scores due to the state-of-the-art computers, televisions and educational devices. For example, I saw the cases of two schools investing different ways. One school invested budgets in their lecturers by paying higher salaries, while the other spent money on the upgrade of all educational materials and electonics to help students study comfortably and concentratedly. After 5 years, the result was considerably different. The latter school had great results with higher scores in the national tests and greater satisfaction from students and parents compared to the former. in comparison to the former groups
To sum up, taking the correlation between the salary and the quality of education and the better outcomes by investing facilities into consideration, I strongly believe that the investment of educational materials outweighs paying higher salaries for professors.
점수: 22 각 단락이 서로 문제를 가지고 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우는 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 불필요한 부연설명들이 많습니다. 이러한 설명들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 장황하게 만듭니다. 따라서 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |