■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :
To reduce living expenses, which
of the following do you recommend your friend to do?
-to share a room with a roommate
-to buy less frequently new
technology products
-to cook at home to reduce the
eating-out expenses
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▶ Your Answer :
It is always difficult to fathom what others think, but my opinion in
regard to the given topic is adamant. I believe that sharing a room with a
roommate can be the best way to reduce living expenses for the following
reasons.
First of all, my friend will be able to save a large amount of money by
sharing a room with another (another + 단수, other + 복수입니다) person, because rent prices are extremely high these
day. As a society becomes more and more developed, more people are living on
earth these days. Therefore, land and house prices are becoming higher. If my
friend shares a room with another person, my friend will be able to save a lot of
money since he or she can pay half of the rent. (In case that my friend has his or
her own house, my friend can earn extra money by receiving a rent from a tenant). (이런 formal한 essay에서 괄호는 쓰지 말아주세요) In this way, my friend will be able to save a lot of money he or she might not
manage to make by buying less frequently new technology products less frequently or by cooking
for himself/herself.
My personal experience can be illustrated to prove this point. When I was
out of money, I tried many different methods to solve this problem. First, I
decided not to buy new technology such as the latest air purifier or an iPad.
As a result, I had to pay more money. This was because I had to treat my respiratory
disease which was brought about by bad air condition in my room and I spent a
large amount of money in printing reading materials needed for my studying. If
I had had the air purifier and iPad, I might not have gotten that disease and I
might have been able to read materials using my iPad without having to print
them out. Second, I tried to cook by myself rather than to have a meal at a
restaurant. However, it failed because I didn't have enough time to cook for
myself. Many people including me are weary with too much stress and highly
competitive environments, because we are living in a world of meritocracy,
which only extremely talented people can survive. Also, even when I cooked my
meal by myself, it wasn't helpful than I expected, because the retail price of
ingredients these days are quite high. The final plan that I made and carried
out was to share my room with a foreign student. It was very effective solution
to reduce my living expenses because the house rent was quite high. I started
to pay only half of the rent and I was so happy. Besides, I was able to save
money in other aspects beside the rent. For example, since we shared new
technology products such as scanner and printer, I didn't have to pay extra
money to buy them. It was quite life-enhancing. Likewise, my personal
experience proves that my argument is compelling.
To sum up, I believe my explanations above sufficiently proves the
advantages of sharing a room with a roommate. Obviously, other ways to reduce
living expenses such as buying less frequently new technology products or
cooking at home have some limitations.
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일단 에세이가 너무 example 위주로 구성되어 있습니다.
second body paragraph가 전부 example 얘기인데,
이러면 지루해질 수도 있고 그냥 경험 설명하는 느낌이라 고득점이 어려울 수 있습니다.
자세하게 쓰신 건 좋지만, example과 statement의 발란스를 잘 맞춰주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
문법도 대체적으로 깔끔한 편입니다.
그런데 동어반복이 자주 일어나는 것 같아서 대체어/유의어 활용에 신경써주시면 좋을 거 같아요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*