■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic :
When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.
Agree
Some people think that luck is more important than one’s hard work. However, in my opinion, hard work is the most important to be succeed to become successful for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, when one is lucky without effort cannot be succeed even if people have luck, without effort he or she cannot succeed. If someone has a chance to show his opportunity, he need to show his own talent needs to show his talent he는 단수 주어 입니다). However, if he has nothing to show it will be useless opportunity. Without his own ability, one lucky chance cannot lead to succeed. For example, one of my friends, Daniel had a chance to have interview for marketing job at Samsung, because his father was the one of managers. Samsung was the biggest company in Korea and paid a lot of money, so it was hard to get a opportunity for interview. However, he was poor at the university, and he did not know about marketing area. When manager asked him about company, he was so nervous and could not answer the question. He failed the interview and he regretted missing opportunity.
Moreover, if there is no luck in one’s life, steady effort can make succeed (첫 번째 단락이랑 똑같은 이유 입니다). Some people work hard although nobody recognize her recognizes their effort. Even though no one knows her ability, it is not gone and a person can keep it as her strengthen if he keeps trying to put more effort his talent will not be disappeared. If there is a chance to reveal one’s talent, it lead one to a huge succeed it makes people become succeed. For instance, in my hometown, there was a small restaurant. Old lady worked at restaurant for 30 years, and food was really delicious. She worked hard and always made food with good ingredients. However, my hometown was too small to attract many customers, so there were only small customers. One day, famous Youtube creator who lived in my hometown visited her restaurants and talked about chicken on his video. He said that it was the best chicken in his life and recommend it for people to other people (전치사 활용이 잘못되어있습니다). Thanks to his video, her cafeteria became famous. As a result, many people visited my hometown to eat her chicken and there were many customers in her cafeteria. Her steady efforts made it’s taste.
In conclusion, lucky without efforts cannot last forever. Also, if someone work hard, it’s result will be successful until the end. In this regard, I firmly believe that one’s effort is more important than one chance.
점수: 22
일단 지금 이 에세이는 첫 번째 단락이나 두 번째 단락 이유 모두 겹칩니다. 이유가 겹치다 보니 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 항상 이유를 선정할 때에 겹치지 않는 이유로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 전체적으로 이 단락에서 나타나는 설명은 전혀 이유를 서포트 하지 못하고 있습니다. 좀 더 설명에 있어서 중점을 두면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다
감사합니다~!
▶ Your Answer :